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NOT JUST GAZA/ Albania ready to send troops to Minnesota, says acrobat leader

2026-01-20 17:14:01Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Acrobat during training

TIRANA – Always standing by the side of friendly America, Albania is ready to send troops to Minnesota and other problematic areas to help quell the communist-leftist rebellion. This is what the tall manipulative leader declared yesterday, when asked by the media when he intends to approve the discussion of Bella Balluka's immunity in the parliamentary mandates committee.

"It's good that you asked me about Bella, " said the scoundrel who has half the government in prison or wanted, "my answer is clear: We will stand by our great friend Donald Trump in these difficult moments, even with military force if necessary."

Meanwhile, when asked about the massive theft of public money with AKSHI tenders, the former publicist prime minister, who once won the admiration of the public precisely with his newspaper articles, said bluntly that he will not spend a single penny of taxpayers' money on the failed Albanian Radio-Television.

The visionary leader, for whom all the country's most prominent nutritionists have concluded that his ministers and directors suffer from an overdose of pears eaten behind their backs, also spoke about the need for strict regulation of the construction industry.

"I call on all Albanian builders who are going to build resorts in the Gaza Strip: Declare your workers' salaries accurately, otherwise you'll be screwed," declared the wizard of inventing unnecessary projects, as well as creating tenders that Diella rigorously controls, even though she is pregnant.

On this occasion, the wrestler also explained Mr. Trap's personal invitation to participate as a founding member of the Peace Board for Gaza and the World.

"Those who want to throw mud at Albania, declared that I am ready to accept any prank of President Trap, just to atone for the joke I made with Macron. It was a friendly joke that Trap himself liked very much, and that moment has passed. But Gaza is too delicate an issue to leave to the Palestinians, just as Albania cannot be left in the untrained hands of Albanians, " explained the chief prankster.

Next, the master who gives money for bridges where there is no river, and crosses rivers for Albanians between cities, specified that all new apartments in Gaza will have at least one of his paintings on the wall.

"I also call on the Greenlanders to put their finger on their head, " declared the political acrobat with a herniated disc, as he glanced up from time to time to see if an American Delta special forces helicopter was coming, " and I invite them to come to Albania. We have plenty of space, let them work with the banana containers in the new Port of Durres. That island belongs to America, look at it on the map: What do the Greenlanders want in Greenland? Why, we who gave an island to Mr. Trap's son-in-law, what are we, Traps?"

Finally, the professional pickpocket also revealed his vision for making Albania great:

"They accuse me of reducing the country to 1.8 million inhabitants, even though officially the impartial census yielded 2.4 million residents. But even if we accept it as true, think about it: Doesn't Albania become bigger when there are fewer people? This is simple math, gentlemen. And wait, you haven't seen anything yet!"

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column that believes in the slogan: "Greenland to Greenlanders, death to the Baltics"      


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