DOMESTIC VIOLENCE / Gjati wakes up suddenly, sees with alarm that Albania has crawled out of his bed

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EXCLUSIVE/ The Doctor's secret speech against the Cult of the Individual at the 20th meeting of the DP Presidency

2025-12-14 22:51:39Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The doctor unmasking internal enemies and those who want to go outside

TIRANA – The 20th meeting of the Democratic Party leadership last week saw new developments, in a radical change compared to other meetings where the media only commented on old developments. The few bits of debate that managed to leak to the press hinted at stormy clashes, which included demonstrative resignations such as that of Gjekmarkagjonaj, which was rejected by Doktori; accusations of voluntary surrender of votes in favor of Endri from Shabanica, after the latter lied to the DP deputies by showing them an old photo of him with Doktori; or Nuli's dramatic quarrel with a member of the leadership who was shamelessly imitating him.

Only this latest incident was a false alarm, because it turned out that Nuli was fighting with his reflection in the window pane, remembering that he was a member of the leadership. To cover up the blunder, he started fighting with Salijan, since he happened to be close to his reflection in the pane.

But the real event of the meeting – which those who didn't like it called the Black Plenum – was the Doctor's programmatic speech against the cult of the individual in the DP, which will be distributed to sister parties in Africa, Central Asia and North Antarctica. Here are some of his main points:

"Dear Democrats and you, Albana! We have gathered today to denounce a very dangerous phenomenon that is taking the breath away from the Democratic Party. As you know, it was born 35 years ago as the Party of Freedom. Then, also of Zen and Gita, and to a lesser extent of Abi. But now the DP is being threatened by the most ferocious enemy, which does not allow it to organize, to gather people, to inspire voters, to threaten the government; this enemy is the cult of the individual.

Have we made mistakes so far? Undoubtedly yes, because mistakes are human; tower permits are also human. But, getting tower permits when you are in opposition shows the dynamism, the vitality of the party, because we show the electorate what we are capable of doing even in these difficult conditions without power, when the government is usurping all the spaces.

You see, we rightly asked for an Ombudsman from the opposition, but the majority voted for Endri from Shabanica. Okay, we also proposed Endri, but unintentionally! He took our signatures in good faith, lying to us that he needed them for a diploma topic. Therefore, since Endri lied to us, I propose that we hold a grand protest against the government!

As you know, half of this government is in SPAK on charges of unimaginable theft, sir! Therefore, before I move on to the other points, I propose that we hold a grand protest against SPAK, this government tool.

I assure you that there will be no compromise with the Gjatoduro regime, despite the fact that half of our deputies receive licenses, permits and projects from the government. We must fight until the last license, because only in this way will the masses be mobilized. Therefore, Mr. Nul, as secretary general, take measures not to go to meetings with the membership, with last year's Range Rover. I talked to Zeni, to take an old Porsche that we have left in the garage and sit with the democrats like that, local, as they say in the chatter.

Someone might say, what's the point of Nuli's Range, which in the end eats and fights with itself in the mirror, when you brought us Luli at the head of the party? Oh no, gentlemen, where is Luli and where is Nuli! It was Luli who infected us with the cult of the individual, while Nuli still believes today that the cult is a kind of dashboard. Then who should we put at the head, Fatbardh Kandili, that factionalist?

However, this cult that Luli brought has also affected some others here among us, who think that since they gather more people than the entire party combined, and receive more votes from the membership than others, they should be elected in forums or become high-ranking officials, whether you understand or not! It has affected, and I say delicately, because it has infected them to the core!

What is this? This is not democracy, please, but anarchy! What does this mean, gather votes and come forward? And those who cannot gather, let's leave it to the Tall One? There are forums, there are leaders, there is decision-making…. ”

At that moment, unable to bear the torture any longer, deputy Gjekmarkagjonaj stood up and said excitedly: "Mr. Irreplaceable Leader, Polar Star who illuminates our path, opening new paths towards democracy with his own strength. I admit before the presidency that the cult of the individual has gripped me rib by rib; it is a serious infection that can only be cured if I resign from all functions and am sent to work for a year in a rice field, knee-deep in mud! I signed to Endri of Shabanica that my eyes were darkened by the good things you have brought us! Therefore, I resign irrevocably, but if you do not accept, I will not!"

The doctor did not expect this. " No way, Mr. Markagjekaj! I did not mean you. Now, let Mr. Salijani, who spent a year in prison for the party, speak, so that he can throw ashes in our eyes, because he thinks we are scum! What did you want, sir, in Durrës? Which individuals did you meet? What did the individuals say to you? Why, this is democracy?"

At this point, Nuli took heart that the Range Rover's work was forgotten, and shouted: "Let's expel Salijan, let's remove the Sali part from his surname by a decision of the presidency! And as for that individual issue, I propose that he hand over the dashboard here before he leaves!"

Note: Patronage as a satirical column, developments in the DP are giving it unfair competition


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