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EDUCATION/ The War of Vlora and the fascist occupation are quietly removed from school textbooks

2025-11-17 17:06:08Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
George and the Long One at the center of the empire, Rome

TIRANA/ROME – The Albanian Ministry of Education issued a discreet and secret order yesterday that the painful moments in the long and colorful history of relations between Albania and Italy be tactfully and quietly removed from the country's textbooks, discreet and secret sources for the Patronageist report.

Minister Mirela Kumbaraja has called a trusted group to implement this message, demanding that " these stupid things like the Battle of Vlora in 1920, the removal of rifle rifling by Italian advisors before the fascist invasion in 1939, the invasion itself and every other detail that casts a bad light on friendly Italy, be erased from history textbooks. But carefully and with style, honey, don't make us talk about these things because they will be forgotten later."

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It is learned that the minister gave this order after the historic union of the two governments in Rome, where Prime Minister I Gjata presented the Albanian prime ministerial crown to the Italian sister of Prime Minister Jorgjie Peponi. Her Excellency Peponi was amazed that all the Albanian ministers knew Italian, with the exception of Bella who spoke with a Greek-Byzantine accent. But many of them explained to her that they had been immigrants in Italy, working in Italian villas when there were no people inside. Then they perfected their accents in several hotels with barred windows and carabinieri at the door, where some stayed for three and some for five years.

“Then we changed our names, went to Albania and became ministers,” Albanian officials explained to her in confidence.

So enthusiastic was Gjati by his ministers' Italian that he begged Peponi to also become prime minister of Albania and leave him, like Jacomoni, to help proud Albanians enter the European Union.

"We don't want a vote or representation. Here, your commissioner represents us in the EU. We Albanians are also Italians. That's right, we don't even want to join Europe, but Italy! Please take us, we won't make a mess, we'll sit in a corner, we'll do the housework, the shopping... When you come back from work, you'll find them ready," Gjati wrote in the oil.

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In fact, Peponi was mortified. No one had touched him so much since Trump had praised her as a very beautiful woman who should quit smoking. But the readings she had done as a teenager, when she first joined the neo-fascists, had somewhat shaken her. There she had learned that Albanians were proud of having thrown the Italians into the sea in 1920, and then in World War II they had hired Italian soldiers to tend their sheep and work their land. At that time, it was the Italians, not the Albanians, who changed their names: Augusto became Agush, Salvatore became Sali, and Francesco became Ceco so that the Germans wouldn't find out.

He said this to the Tall One. He was cut in the face.

"Who, we threw you into the sea? No, when I have no one, dio mio. It was a joke, a… how to say, misunderstanding. But that's something that can be fixed," and he motioned for the Godmother to come closer. "Did you hear, madam? Go now and erase that idiotic thing from the history books. I supported it, they said, you didn't come, I fired you!"

The godmother ran away, looking like a young bride.

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Fortunately, sources assure us that this incident ended there, because the Tall One called only Foreign Minister Episa Spirodhalla and whispered, " Listen, my dears, gather those ministers of ours, now we need liveliness, music, joy. I'll explain later."

Without a second thought, Episa gathered the cabinet and put on some Italian folk music. Everyone was amazed when they saw the chief diplomat dancing elegantly to the song "Chi balla il Napoleone"...

PS Instead of the Battle of Vlora, the ministry's team of experts has thought of teaching Albanian students about the Italian-Albanian summer camp of 1920, when Albanians and Italians went to sea together. While instead of the fascist invasion, it will be written about the joint military maneuvers of April 7, 1939, with the participation of the 'Lupo di Toscana' division.

Note: Patronazhisti is a pro-historical, anti-Zhapist satirical column


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