CHRONICLE ON ASPHALT/ The rise and fall of Bella B.

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SUMMARY/ The six days that made Tirana, Durrës and all of Albania tax-free

2025-11-03 12:04:42Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Bella Ballukja accepting SPAK's request

TIRANA – Even though they knew he was seriously ill, the day Tosi died, most Albanians were sad. This is because looking back over the years, Albanians have come to the conclusion that Tosi was the most arrogant prime minister they had ever had. They said that he let everyone eat a little, and he ate too. He smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol and joked as if he were still a student. He sometimes seemed to be out of work.

What the Albanians did not understand was that Tosi's romantic era was a transitional phase: Because the greediest eaters would snatch the plate from the more leisurely, carefree and tolerant ones. Tosi tolerated it, and they ate it. But that's a good thing, because even greed has its humanity: All the well-fed gathered and gave him their last farewell.

*** 

It was a blessing in itself, the fact that Bella Ballukja appeared at SPAK on the day Tosi died. Although the media was not absent, their attention was thankfully not that great. But the legacy of spinning words around like nuts, Tosi left behind. “I accepted the prosecutors’ request regarding a case under investigation, ” Bella told reporters, with an ironclad sentence that Albanian-Albanian translates to “ they told me that I am accused of corruption with tenders.”

But the most significant moment was after the final farewell to Tosi, when Bella and the other ministers sat down for a late coffee. The patronage learns that Bella contacted Diella to see the cup. All her colleagues heard her when Diella said to her: “Hmmm, you will receive news from the government… you have a way to go. My raven, what fruit have you been eating lately, pears?”

***

Before appearing at SPAK, Bella, on the orders of Të Gjati, introduced the new director of the port of Durrës, Liburni, a former minister of Vetëvendosje from Kosovo. This presentation actually exposed Të Gjati's scheme for the continuous refreshing of the government and administration: He would supply SPAK with pear-eating officials, while the Albanians of the region would supply it with directors and ministers. This ecological recycling method is thought to make Albania a net exporter of renewable energy by 2030.

*** 

The beautiful thing is that the interaction between Albanians in the region is not limited to the import-export of officials. At SPAK, along with Bella, Behgjet of Kosovo, Switzerland and all of Russia also appeared. The focus was on the Vlora airport and the warm and friendly accusations between partners about who was stealing from whom, how much, and on whose behalf. So, when SPAK is in a tight spot, our brothers across the border also come to our aid. “We will make the airport even more beautiful,” said Behgjet after leaving SPAK. When asked “more beautiful than what,” Behgjet replied, “ more beautiful than what we had originally thought.”

According to this theorem, if Behgjet is called a few more times, the new airport will be the most beautiful in the world. There is a risk that it will surpass the one in Kukës.

***

Unlike Bella, Lali did not like Tosi's death, because he wanted all the media attention to fall on his appearance at the Constitutional Court. But despite the competition, Lali made his own not small noise. And what made the most noise was not his public disappointment with the socialist advisors (if yours sell, Lal, while your opponents buy, or have you forgotten the old axiom).

No, it was the miserable appearance of the government lawyers, to whom the Poplar School would seem like Harvard. In fact, a rumor soon circulated that the lawyers the Tall One had gathered had graduated from the Willow School.      

*** 

Everyone noticed that I Gjati and Albini enjoyed chatting in Tosi's vaki. Political analysts Bake Xhani and Dhosi Dhoska declared that at this rate, three or four more vaki would be enough for the ice between them to melt completely. “But be careful,” they warned, “ you need vaki and not joy, because Albanians are killed at weddings and become friends at vaki.”

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column that doesn't drink coffee, so no one can see its cup.  


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