RANGAT / Fear, Federika and a phone call with The Tall One

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IT'S HAPPENING/ Bunches of socialists fill the ranks of the opposition in the hope that they won't start working in the state

2025-09-26 22:22:43Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Socialists in line to register with the opposition

TIRANA/VLONA/GJINOKAST?R – With large banners reading, "Down with the autocrat, long live democracy", "Let's put an end to the dictatorship", "Speculators on a rope", "The two-year plan will bring us prosperity ", etc., hordes of socialists have headed with revolutionary momentum for the last two days towards the headquarters of opposition parties in several cities in the country, to register as the newest members of the political forces that will overthrow the narco-dictatorship of the Renaissance.

The phenomenon, which at first glance seems strange, was explained to Patronageist by several fellow patronageists, who loudly declared that Albania deserves a clean and honest government, while quietly claiming that they are running out of steam all these years by registering and scanning voters across Albania.

"I filled thousands of sheets with notes for every family in the neighborhood," the seventh-category patronage worker, Selfo Këllira, told us in confidence, " where the children study, what pension the old man gets, how much credit the son of the house has taken, who the sister-in-law cheats with... And as a reward, I Gjati came and ruined my bar. Even the boy they hired for me a few years ago, they took me to a remote village where chickens eat each other because they ran out of stones."

And Selfua burst into tears: " Stay, stay there on the mountaintop, father's Alyosha, until Gjati decides to bring you down to the city!"

* 

Sources told Patronazhist that the socialists are disappointed with I Gjati, who is now governing only with oligarchs, while he once promised them that he would bring poligarchy to power.

"I will make you all oligarchs," he had told them at the time, " by the word itself, oligarchs are few, but when you all become oligarchs, then polygarchy is achieved. What can I tell you, the dog will eat the pancake!"

But over time, hardened socialist voters noticed that I Gjati was increasingly obsessed with watching socialists eat each other, and making characters from the opponent with good positions for himself, rather than helping his own.

"I don't want to be made president, because after all, I have so much schooling. I fought for the land, and the land was in the village. But why don't you make a son who went to university abroad a member of parliament, you idiot, you're leaving him to wander the streets of the world?" complained 68-year-old socialist Kiço Pela, " while you make those who have cursed you ten years in a row deputy ministers?"

And Kiço Pela continued angrily: " What are you going to say to the party tomorrow, when they ask you why you took that Lilo's scoundrel who hasn't left any mud or mud without throwing it, and made her the big boss? Or did you leave the ministry for a bunch of scoundrels who fight with the police!"

* 

Meanwhile, Të Gjati's vile habit of giving positions to opponents who insult him the most has galvanized the ranks of the old opposition. Democrat Tuç Maku has demonstratively set fire to the statute of the Socialist Party in the middle of Skënderbej Square, while veteran activist Adriana Kështjella has returned forcefully to machine gunning Të Gjati's portrait. 

But the most active was MP Belo Këllëfi. He chained himself to the railings of the Ministry of Energy and Infrastructure and declared to the media: " I will not leave here until they give me what they promised me when I protested against Lali with ten people in the heat! There are no protests! I protest !"       

Note: Patrona?isti is an opposition satirical column. Therefore, I Gjatani should put his hand on his heart…


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