DRASTICAL/ The doctor locks the National Council with a key: You want to run away and become a director at the Socialist Party, huh?

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REPORT / Most SP assembly members unhappy that they did not become ministers!

2025-09-11 17:46:58Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The nun from Manastirlesha is in a parallel universe when she hears that she will run for Tirana

TIRANA – With two well-equipped ambulances and medical teams on standby, just like at the national football team matches, on the black day of September 11, the Socialist Party assembly meeting was held in Tirana, with a clear objective: The Tall Chairman would present the names of the ministers of the new government and the heads of other key positions.

The patronage expert learns that among the 400 people present at the assembly, some had brought rabbit's feet with them for luck, others had sung the night before at religious houses specialized in ministerial elections, and still others had prayed in auspicious places, so that the lottery of the fourth socialist government would fall on them.

However, as arithmetic dictates, at least 380 participants out of the total came away totally dissatisfied with the Long One's two-hour speech, disgusted by the total lack of meritocracy and angry that the Goglas had not chosen those who would win a ministerial position.

But the situation was no less dramatic for some of the winners.

* 

When I Gjati mentioned the name of Murgesha Manastirlesha as a candidate for the municipality of Tirana, the latter froze in place. Not a single feature of her moved, while the powder on her face could not hide her yellowness. Colleagues around her congratulated her in low voices; Episa Spirodhalla, who had followed her, smiled and touched her on the shoulder for reassurance, but Murgesha did not.

While I Gjati continued his speech, the microclimate created around Manastirlesha raised an alarm. Someone whispered, “Put your feet up, your blood pressure has dropped,” another suggested, “ Let’s rub it with brandy; Bedri, take out a little bit of your nose ,” a third restrained him, “no alcohol or we’ll get a fine .” In the end, Spirodhalla was given the chance to take out the 1,200-euro perfume bottle he carries with him, put it to the deserter’s nose, and it seemed to have been mentioned.

* 

But the details of the micro-dramas that only attentive eyes noticed in the assembly hall do not end with Manastirlesha.

When he heard his name called as the new Speaker of the Assembly, MP Piko Meleshi muttered “ Bingo! ” Only long training in hiding emotions kept him from screaming.

The gentle Besfort from the Lamallar tribe, when he heard his name as Minister of Justice, rolled his eyes, swallowed, half rose from his chair, sat down again, smiled, frowned, blushed, nodded his thanks to some well-wishers from a distance, and turned even more gray despite the fact that he is still young, all of this in the space of five seconds.

While Hulusi, whose place Besfort took, just smiled and skillfully took out a small blood pressure monitor to measure himself.

Mirela Kumbarasa's reaction was interesting. Even though she had taken a small jar of Përmet candy just in case, so that she wouldn't run out of sugar, she didn't take well to the announcement that she would no longer be Minister of Tourism and Environment. When she heard the name of the Rio de Janeiro minister who would be covering Tourism, she opened her mouth with the unmistakable expression " Wow, what a scandal", then with facial expressions made it clear to those around her, " This place is finally not done".

But immediately afterwards, the Tall One announced that as a distinguished teacher, Kumbaraja would become Minister of Education. Then the recelophile smiled from ear to ear while her facial expression turned into "Well, normal, who else would come!"

Not surprisingly, the only one who simply smiled as usual and gestured to the others, " Okay, okay, enough now that the mayor is talking ," was Bella Ballukja when she heard that she was to remain deputy prime minister and minister of 13 sectors. Even the Patrona?ist swears that Bella seemed to gesture to Të Gjatiti, "give it a little faster or we'll leave it here."

* 

In the crowd of assembly participants, with young and old deputies, mayors and various local geniuses, the more the space for the list of ministers narrowed, the more nervousness appeared. And in the end, when the Tall One closed his speech with the phrase "May we all prosper" , many whispered, "Go away, you deceitful ordinary man".

Speaking in confidence with the Patronageist after the meeting, the new MP from Roskovec Zafire Torollaku said she expected a better government cabinet:

"I'm not saying it for myself, but the prime minister has gathered a bunch of incompetents. With this composition, he will simply give arguments to Gazi."

On the other hand, MP Zaçe Kopacja was more vocal, but also more chaotic: " Ridiculous ministers. We have a star prime minister. He will take us to the EU, this is where we will be. Mediocre cabinet. Long live the president. Government of the people. With this leader we will win three more mandates. These are thieves!"

And he turned to the nurse who was standing by the ambulance: "Come on, boy, take my heart rate a little bit..."         

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical philo-assemblyist column


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