QUALITY EDUCATION / After Taullau's invitation, Merkel takes the first bus to visit Kazma's school!

 Kliko këtu për të tjera
Voxpress:

SIHARIQ/ New articles of the Criminal Code revealed, based on the Dutch experience 

2025-08-06 14:32:29Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The extra-expert group that prepared the New Articles of the Criminal Code working in Poradec

DRILON/ANKARA/AMSTERDAM – To tell the truth, the annual meetings of the cream of Albanian jurisprudence in Drilon, Poradec, had not aroused any suspicion. That is the job of these lawyers and judges, passers-by said, discussing the valuable messages of King Zog the reformer, who is trying to make this people Western like the Turks of Soçem.

In fact, the informal, low-pitched conversations around a pan of korana, of personalities like Hulusi Bey, Rakip Pasha, and a group of hanems and efendilers who pretended to listen and nodded in approval, gave no indication that anything big was being cooked. They discussed terms, strange words, opened dictionaries, tore their pages to make seed pods, turned on their laptops to watch cartoons... In short, work was in full swing.

But these days the big bang has broken: The masters are preparing a new Penal Code that will replace the old one that smells like naphthalene. The patronage expert managed to select some of the most significant articles:

 New Articles of the Criminal Code

(Ceza Kanunun Yeni Maddeleri) 

Article 222 (Article 222)

-Whoever defiles the symbols of the Republic and insults the King, whose feet are put in a woman's boot every evening, is sentenced to 4 years in prison.

-Whoever paints, varnishes or wallpaper the President, the government, the judiciary, the Constitutional Court (with the exception of that witch) or the gendarmerie; as well as whoever gives a sorbet to the Naval Forces, is thrown into space and the keys are thrown into the sea.

Article 333 (Article 333)

Slander (Iftira)

-Whoever throws mud and violates the honor and dignity of comrade Kristofor, as well as other party and government friends in the district, is sentenced to walk three laps around the football field with a ball on his feet, pay a 3 thousand euro fine and apologize to the teaching staff. The only exception is when the mud is with algae from the Dead Sea and affects the elimination of facial wrinkles.

-Anyone who dares to comment on a judicial decision on TikTok, or influence a decision that has not yet been made, is punished with an invitation from the prime minister to invest in their homeland, a wink of permission to spend all their savings plus tips for the local police, and then with the sudden demolition of all the filthy structures without permission.

-Anyone who has built over ten floors without a permit is exempt from this punishment, because it's a sin, it's all that money. 

-If the commentator on judicial decisions is a journalist, then the court decides that Maliq's field should be turned back into a swamp, so that this scoundrel and his ilk can go and drain it all over again; and after draining it, he should be punished as a saboteur.

Article 444 (Article 444)

Bigamy (polygamy)

-Contracting two or more marriages at the same time is punishable by a fine up to 4 years of imprisonment. This punishment overlaps with the punishment that the animal (or fool) has inflicted on himself by legally overloading himself with two or more women (men), when he could very well have kept at least two mistresses (lovers) – but not more than ten, for the purposes of this article – finished his work and went home to his husband (wife) at dinner like humans. 

Article 555 (Article 555)

Illegal enrichment

-Illegal enrichment through unjustified and significant increase in its value, which is not supported by the official's declared salary and income, is punishable by 2-7 years in prison. If the enrichment starts out illegal and is legalized along the way, the official becomes a minister of justice, a judge or, in the worst case, a strategic investor plus a member of parliament (MP).

-For the purpose of this article, officials are advised to make a large sum of money, so that the two-year stinking prison sentence is worth it, because it was not a crime.

-Citizens of the Royal Republic of Albania who have shown negligence in not being officials and delay the payment of electricity and/or water by three days are sentenced to hanging, seizure of property up to the third cousin and deprivation of electoral rights for 5 years. If within a week after the hanging, the citizen shows remorse, his electoral rights are restored.   

Article 666 (Article 555)

Unauthorized human cloning (izinsiz insan klonlamas?)

-The implementation of eugenic practices with the aim of creating, in whole or in part, distinct humans, the creation of identical human beings through cloning, whether in the QSUT, regional hospitals, private hospitals or in various clinics and summer health centers, is punishable by imprisonment of 5-12 years. The exception is the talented girls of Dubai who have become clones of each other, even before this law came into force. 

Article 777 (Article 777)

Motor vehicle maintenance

-The technical inspection of vehicles must be carried out within the deadline set by law. Anyone caught with a vehicle inspection that has expired by two or more days will have their license taken away, one of their hands (the better one) will be cut off, and with the remaining hand, they will be sent to work for three years with one hand as a sardine peeler at one of the factories in Lucca, to be reminded.

-If the missing hand attempts to illegally clone the severed hand according to Article 666, the punishment is increased according to the legal provisions.

-If a car with an expired roadworthiness certificate is worth over 60 thousand euros and is involved in an accident, killing two or more traffic police officers and/or civilians, its driver is advised to put the finger on his head because if he continues like this, he will get people in trouble.

Authors' note: As is clear, this legal basis is taken verbatim from the Dutch criminal code.

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column. As soon as you take the above matters seriously, by God, we will no longer speak to you. These are harmful jokes, amen…  


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

Video

SHIKO KANALIN NE YOUTUBE
×