FOOTBALL / Free striker Lulzim Basha signs 4-year contract with Dutch team

UTRECHT – Albanian-born striker Lulzim Basha has just signed a 4-year contract with the modest Dutch football team, Jong Utrecht, which plays in the second division of tulip football, Erste Divisie, promising to lead the Utrecht youth team to the first division.

Released from contractual obligations in the Albanian championship, where he played on loan for many years for the superior category team, PD, the talent, now with a few years of experience under his belt, returned as a free player to the city that intellectually shaped him.

" I will do my utmost to take Jong Utrecht to the big leagues, " declared Basha, holding the new jersey with number 7x7=42 in his hand, " the opponents will have to step over my body to defeat us."

Basha, who in Tirana had offered his body in a similar way many times for the needs of the DP, warning his rivals that they had to pass over him first, seems to have become accustomed to the ritual of passage in question. This is because, despite all the threats, his competitors have not had a problem or obstacle with his svelte body.

At a press conference, the Albanian-Dutchman also satisfied journalists' curiosity about his Albanian experience.

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"During my contribution to the DP, we have been subjected to many injustices by the Federation," Basha claimed, " and once we even decided to boycott the championship. We threw our T-shirts and pants at the faces of those from the Federation and told them, play alone now, you animals, you street urchins!"

And then he sighed:

"Do you think they didn't mind playing alone? They won a championship, two, three... We once wanted to come back, but we were left without panties. As you can imagine, it would not be ethical to go out on the field in just thongs... Although a fellow striker of mine, a Mona, Mona, had no problem with this part. She even said, let them walk over our bodies, big deal! I even got into a fight with the team president, an old black guy, and left altogether."

The striker at this point raised his voice, as he did whenever he got nervous: "That's when I decided to create my own team!"

And the talent confessed how he called the new team the Renewed Euro-Atlantic Coalition, introduced it with great fanfare and began organizing the structures. But he stopped all work when he was told that the club would be registered with the Federation with initials, the combination of which brought an ethical dilemma, since after the K and the A, came the R.

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"I wanted to help them, " Basha continued, " because after all, I too have distant origins there. But they don't become people, they are not sensible. They don't say in vain, only in Holland do people buy flowers with money, in Paris they eat donkeys!"

Sources for Patronazhisti learned that the new contract will reward Basha with 10 tenders per year. The medical check-ups went well, despite the doctors finding a large dose of eggplant-colored hair dye and an unusual percentage of sleep in the blood.

In fact, towards the end of the press conference, the journalists tiptoed away, holding their shoes in their hands, because the eagle-eyed striker had fallen asleep.

"The poor thing snapped, " they whispered regretfully, "he must have really tired those damned initials of the new club."

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical pro-football column