STRANGE / A group of wealthy Albanians promises the victims they have robbed that they will make them rich; they still believe!

TIRANA, Albania; in the Western Balkans - What has been defined by researchers of sociology and crowd psychology as a repeated case of voluntary auto-masochism among the Albanian population has reached its finale on Friday.

A group of extremely wealthy Albanians offered their fellow Albanian victims the final package of promises, which when fulfilled, will make the blacks much richer than they are today.

The mysterious episode is learned to be a recurring occurrence every two or four years for 35 years.

It is precisely the duration of this syndrome and the persistence of systematically stolen victims to believe once again and again for the umpteenth time, that has piqued the interest of anthropologists.

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The wealthy, led by a tall man and a gerontocracy, declared that they would catch the swallows one by one with their own hands, squeeze their milk, and distribute it to the Albanians.

Further, their promises ranged from the tall one's solemn oath that he would pave the way to Europe - so that Albanians, fed up with swallow's milk, would leave as soon as possible - to the old man's putting his hand in the fire, that he would increase their pensions so much that they would have nowhere to spend them.

Other wealthy people, including a former president imprisoned as a supporter of Vojo Kushi and Avni Rustemi, called for people to vote for him so that the tall man could occupy his cell.

All without exception declared that they had the support of America.

But the highlight was that the tall, the old, and the prisoner - all three of them alternating in power for the past 35 years - asked Albanians to vote for them to correct the wrongs that the previous prime ministers had done. That is, them.

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The new thing is that new aspirants are trying to join the group of seasoned rich people. Among them is a call center owner who, unlike the aforementioned scammers, has been stealing from European pensioners, because there's nowhere for ours to go.

He is also a successful lawyer, who used to share cases with his father-in-law, the judge, and now he promises to seize the rich's wealth and keep it for himself.

Meanwhile, around the group of promising professionals, other agallars and beyleresha gather. The Albanians – those who remain – guarantee that with 140 euros a month you can live very well.

Others, concerned about their obesity, ask the residents not to use the car but to walk to the bakery, because there is no food.

While others, out of power for years, build towers, own 10 apartments and villas, and drive around in cars, the interior of which costs as much as the average ten-year pension.

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The icing on the cake are the party animals of the rich. With cars that cost as much as a 3-bedroom apartment, concert profits that are tax-free once in a lifetime, and side jobs that include importing and exporting white powder, they bring the crowds to their feet every time they take the stage.

The thieves and the thieves invited the robbed once again, to vote for number 1, number 5, number 155, if they want to see a white day. From the white that they themselves see every night.

Chances are that this time too, these modern-day Robin Hoods will hit the mark...

Note: Patronageist is a satirical pro-choice column. The choice doesn't really matter, in fact it's overrated.