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SPORT/ Adriana Kështëlla practices shooting with portraits of former Luli supporters

2025-06-04 10:58:35Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
A peaceful ordinary day in the life of Adriana Keshtëllë

TIRANA - Democratic shooting champion Adriana Kështjella demonstrated once again yesterday her consistency in results, whenever during training at the shooting range, she is faced with the cartouche figures of former Luli supporters.

Sources from the scene indicate that Kështëlla received five tenths with five shots, when the portrait of Jorida Kapaku was placed on the board. With the composure of a sniper and a hand that did not play a single millimeter, she took a moment to consider the target and then fired five consecutive bullets, muttering under her breath, "Thank you Lulash!".

***

The patronage officer learns that the shooting range is his second home, where he goes whenever political developments in the DP stress him. But during the electoral campaign, the Doctor tactfully forbade him from shooting at portraits of former Lulist Democrats, saying that the electorate would be misunderstood.

“After the elections, we’ll see and do it, ” the Doctor assured her, forcing the fighter who goes to work by tank to shoot at alternative right-wing figures like Dash Shehi, Enkelejd Alibaba, or even Gonen of Call Centers. Understandably, the results were not satisfactory, and Kështjella was even considering not participating in the nationwide shooting championship for the Telendare Kukumjaçkas in the over-50s category.

However, the elections are over and while the Democrats began to accuse each other, as usual, of stealing the votes of their fellow candidates, Kështjella was given permission to train properly.

***  

It should be noted that the outstanding shooter does not only practice with a pistol. Witnesses have claimed that one of her favorite styles is to place a cardboard cutout of Luli, the size of a human ink, as a shooting board, and begin a surreal monologue.

“Hey, you thought you were going to save me, huh? What, what did you say? Don't shoot me because we got along well? Naaa, ” and he slaps the cardboard with a slap in the face. Then, with a homemade bow, he sticks an arrow in its thigh and says with an ominous smile, “Did I hurt you? I'm sorry.” And he sticks another strand of hair into the cardboard, destroying the legendary Lul cullufen. Next, he cuts off one arm with a knife, then the other, and finally pours a bottle of whiskey over himself and sets it on fire, laughing eerily.

***  

But one of Adriana Kështëllë's most dramatic exercises – her great inspiration is the Republican American congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, who every morning kills the birds that chirp at her window with an automatic rifle – is shooting with the image of Buzz Fence.

In fact, she is not guilty. Ever since the Doctor attacked the DP headquarters, she, dressed in camouflage uniform and with a scimitar between her teeth, crawled through tear gas to look for Bazin, then Lulist. She swore that she would bring him tied up to Aunt Lili's house as a gift, but Muli stopped her.

"You can't do that, " he said, " because the world will say, what are these packed men that Aunt Lili takes home every time the Doctor comes out. Boll has become famous enough with Albana Vokshi's entrances and exits."

Her anger multiplied when Bazi, fap, became a thing of the past with the Doctor, and she was left with a rush of adrenaline, unexpressed.

Thus, the Castle's favorite sport is a life-size Baz Gardhi doll, tied head to foot with rope and with a pair of bras in her mouth to keep her from screaming. The woman pulls out a shotgun, shoots it seven times in a row, then throws an offensive bomb at it, and finally brings up a small drone and hits it with a missile from above.       

***

After that, a peaceful smile spreads across the brave woman's portrait. Relieved, she returns the cocktail with socialist tears to her ex and leaves happily.

Sources assure that when the Doctor was first told how Adriana Kështjella trains, he was moved. His old memories had returned and he said with a trembling chin, " Ehhh, if only I had a five like her in 97! We would have secured the free vote!"...

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column inclined towards shady characters and those for whom not all lights work equally well.       


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