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EXCLUSIVE/ Details, here's what the MPs who remained outside parliament will do!

2025-05-31 15:32:21Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
EXCLUSIVE/ Details, here's what the MPs who remained outside parliament
The new spot for the socialist animated film Kung Fu Panda

TIRANA – There is life after being a member of parliament. If there is one reason why the May 11 elections should be praised to the skies and why the OSCE-ODIHR report should give Albania the highest grade, it is that many characters who we, ordinary mortals, thought were born as members of parliament and not as babies in a maternity ward, actually know how to do other things.

Hidden talents, gifts that we didn't even know existed, will soon begin to emerge, thanks to these blessed elections that made a precious gift to the country, freeing several prominent figures, outside the tedious routine of parliament, this institution that had become the biggest drain on Albanian brains.

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Like the first swallow that heralds spring – although some would prefer to call her a heron – the forerunner of this phenomenon remains Countess Marie-Antoinette Testagrande. She did not wait for the campaign to begin, nor for the elections to be held, but immediately threw herself into her new hobby: film actress.

In recent months, Testagrande has made it a habit to talk about the film when he comes out of investigative hearings at SPAK, promising journalists that he will talk about SPAK when he comes out of the film.

"Someone might say, 'Leave the movies,' but this is my dormant talent, which has come to the fore now that I have free time," the countess told the chronicle reporters, who didn't know what to make of this cultural news, "I am an actress but also an organizer. The title of my film has something to do with fate, but we are in a dilemma between "Paç fatin i Konteshës" and "Weee ça shonci!"".

On the other hand, former MP Lilo Çepani will also remain in the cinematographic genre, but will produce a documentary from prison titled "All the President's People".

The documentary will tackle the delicate topic of betrayal, exposing the President's former confidants who left him in the lurch when he needed it most: The Bukeshkals, the collaborators and their cronies, the two- and three-faced people, the scoundrels, etc., will all receive the right answer in this documentary.

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Interesting is the case of former socialist MP Pëllumb Arbeni, the son of comrade Sherbet Pëllumb. The leadership had informed him that two MPs from one family could not be elected. He had to choose between the son and granddaughter of comrade Sherbet, specifically the former strategic minister Volta Llaçka. Then Pëllumb Arbeni generously withdrew to make way for Volta, because without the parliamentary mandate this desert could be exiled to the Ventotene islands.

“I will return to my father's studies on Marxism-Leninism and publish a book titled Eurocommunism is Anti-communism ,” declared comrade Sherbet's son.

Meanwhile, former Shkodra MP S'edona Batalli announced that she has decided to further specialize in producing joyful electoral spots, with voters being brought from the grave to warn Albanians that they must vote for such and such a candidate, otherwise they will die on the spot.

"These spots will have a dual function," Batalli told the media, " because they will also serve as mini-horror films for fans of the genre."

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Former Socialist MP Sarmonela Thela has taken on a noble mission. Now that she will have free time, she will dedicate herself exclusively to improving the justice system.

Thus, in addition to her husband, brother-in-law, brother and sister, she will work to integrate into the system as a prosecutor, judge, judicial officer, chancellor or any other position, five other relatives, three granddaughters from her husband's side and seven grandparents from her mother's side.

Asked if there was any conflict of interest in her case, Sarmonela stated that half-truths are more dangerous than lies.

"I definitely have an interest, even a great one; but I don't see conflict anywhere, it's in your sick minds, " Thela said with the pride of a pure man, as he remembered something and told the secretary, " I forgot, I also have a nephew who picks nectarines in Thessaloniki; write him down there for the school of magistrates."

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A special case is that of the brave Lulash. As is known, he came down from the mountains of Gjakova, where he had been sleeping many years ago as a sleeping UNMIK lawyer, after being startled awake by the Doctor's screams.

The latter invited him to take the position of Sleeping Beauty in parliament, then in the ministry of Transport, Foreign Affairs and then Interior, and finally sent him to sleep on the sofa of the Tirana municipality.

Exhausted from these consecutive naps, Lulash decided to take a break, so he pretended that he would probably campaign and that he would probably run, even if he lost. The news of his defeat invigorated him immensely.

"Thank God, let's stay awake like people for once, because we've fallen asleep," declared the faithful Lulash the day after the elections.

Sources for Patronazhisti report that as we speak, a snoring so pleasant that it even lulls passersby to sleep is coming from Lulash's house.                       

PS The latest news comes from the socialist front. It is learned that former MP Pandi Majko is being trained as a voice actor, for a leading role in the new series of the famous animated film, "Kung Fu Pandi". Leku paper…

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column convinced that the new parliament will reveal many more hidden talents like those above.


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