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AMAZING / Vlora Police dismantle criminal organization that brought water without ordering it

2025-08-01 11:25:03Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Filming a criminal moment of bringing unsolicited water

VLORA - The Vlora Police Directorate announces that in recent days, it has concluded a well-studied and organized operation with coolness and professionalism, arresting members of a criminal organization composed mainly of young people, involved in a massive unlicensed and illegally developed hydration scheme.

Based on the evidence, clues, documents and footage obtained, the official announcement says, the operational services of the Vlora DVP have accompanied several citizens, most of them from the Mistrecë and Lamashë regions, who were members of a mafia scheme, the ultimate goal of which was to create a toxic addiction to water in defenseless civilians.

"The organization had employed criminal elements of the 17-22 age group, selected from problematic families usually with two parents and four grandparents. The selection was made deliberately, as this category is exposed to the vices of our times such as tedious work for little money, long hours and holding a tray in a defiant and threatening manner.

"According to our intensive observations, the defendants come from a problematic background, as most have cultivated a toxic relationship with school books, and have a disturbing insistence on reading, graduating from school with good grades and aiming higher in the criminal hierarchy," the Vlora DVP announcement continues. (This DëVëPë should be the local police directorate, Patronazist's note).

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The scheme was as follows, the announcement says: The young men infiltrated bars in the city and surrounding tourist areas as waiters. They were tasked with arbitrarily adding a half-liter can of water – with or without gas – to each table, to as many orders as they received.

At first, innocent civilians, or off-duty police officers, would react with surprise at the extra water, since they hadn't ordered anything. But then they would change their minds and say: Okay, okay, let's just drink it.

This scheme, repeated hundreds of times, police explain, has created a worrying dependence on water throughout the Vlora region.

"Water is like a drug," the police say in the announcement, "at first you try it for fun, or under pressure from society, then you start to seek it over and over again, in ever-increasing quantities. We have had cases where, unfortunately, citizens obsessed with drinking water have lost their jobs, ruined their families, and even sold their homes, just because of this terrible addiction. That's why we set up a task force and decided to dismantle this gang."

The Vlora DëVëPë thus infiltrated a police officer, disguising him as a cafe civilian. The operation went exactly as the local police chiefs suspected: An 18-year-old water purifier brought an extra water with all his might, without anyone ordering it, and at that moment the entire mechanism of spectacular arrests was triggered and caused a stir in recent days.

In the end, the Vlora Police Department announces that all the materials, namely the water cans, have been passed on to the prosecutor's office for further investigation. 

Meanwhile, the arrested lamas will have time to reflect in their cells on where uncontrolled book reading leads. 

Note: Patronageist is a hydrophobic satirical column 


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