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REVOLUTIONARY MOMENTUM / Socialist Party launches illiteracy course for new MPs

2025-06-14 20:01:34Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Young socialist deputies during the course

TIRANA  – With a clearly untrained hand, Përmet slowly wrote with chalk on the small tablet, the word that the old woman had asked for. He carefully blew to remove the chalk fragments, looked at it once and, after being satisfied, said, "I'm done, old woman!"

The old woman Volta Llaçka approached with a heavy, authoritarian expression, glanced at the plate, and with cruel coolness, smashed it on the head of poor Përmet. He didn't make a sound. His neck was red from the slaps he had received from the old woman, but surprisingly he didn't feel it. Some in the class even whispered that the proud Tepelenas liked it.

"What word did I tell you to write?" the aunt asked her dryly.

"I...I'm sorry," Permet muttered.

"What did you write?"

"I... I... I'm sorry, auntie, my chalk was broken," he said, secretly hoping that Volta would give him another educational slap. 

***

Përmet is not alone. Like Përmet, a full 53 new deputies of our glorious Socialist Party have rolled up their sleeves and entered the summer literacy course before entering parliament, at the behest of the Party's general chairman, a tall guy in white sneakers, who every foreigner he meets tells him that 'maybe it's not visible to the naked eye', but he is very tall. 

Coming from all walks of life and production fronts, the deputies must first learn to read and write within the summer. At this point, there was little resistance from Përmet and Zegjineja of Roskovec. Both insisted that they would only learn to read, since they were quick at singing: In every sleight of hand or for some reason, they were the first to take up singing.

Also, in parallel with the primer, young people will memorize the constitution, the functioning of Parliament, the separation of powers, and the percentage they should ask big business for as a success fee every time they pass a new law.

That the course is extremely intensive is also shown by the fact that in the meantime, the trainees seem to learn how to maintain personal hygiene, remove lice, and other details of daily life: The boys learn how to fix the antenna, while the girls learn how to embroider and knit scarves, because tomorrow or the day after tomorrow they will go to their husbands.   

***

“If I knew it would be this difficult, I would have stayed in Tepelena, or at least there at the Lekli Bridge,” Përmet initially said when news of the course broke. But he got used to it quickly.

As soon as Aunt Volta Llaçka entered the classroom, Përmet started whistling like in his hometown, and muttered loudly enough to be heard, "Come on, Aunt! You're going to give me a private lesson, ooooh!" But at that moment, a slap in the face came from Volta - whose diplomacy was her strong weapon - and Përmet decided that this was the right course.

Zegjineja, for her part, was filming a video inside the classroom, shouting as always at poor Baz Gardhi: "Bazo, where are you, star! Now that I've got my law degree, I need my primer and I'll come to Parliament with my friends to tear you to pieces..."; when Professor Piko Meleshi enters the classroom.

Zegjineja turned pale and blushed from Piko's charm, then grabbed Përmet by the collar and warned him: "I love this pressor, don't mess with me!"

***

When he heard that everyone started calling the educational process of young deputies a course, the Tall One frowned, just like the Duce when he saw that Terracini had built a small port.

"What is this course, are we in the time of Çerçiz? No, it's a Teacher's Course. We'll call it a political academy! ", he decided.

In fact, Përmet took some time to learn the word, but now he says it without a problem and doesn't make mistakes like he used to.

So, when his friends asked him one day why he wasn't coming to the beach, he replied: "Oh , I don't have time, brother, the commander said, we're not going anywhere until we finish this Apocalyptic!"

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column in the dilemma of whether Përmet meant, Political, Apocalyptic, or Eucalyptic

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