OPINION / Albania would be much different if Sabile Risha had studied to be a tractor driver...

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MOZAIK / This August is bringing us all new achievements, successes and victories, added to the old ones!

2025-08-09 22:29:10Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The garbage fire in Vlora is also visible from the Vrana Konti 4 satellite

1- Our entire people rejoiced immensely this week when the super-luxury yacht of Albania's great friend, Google co-founder Serjozha Brin, docked in the port of Durrës. This visit is another achievement of our government and party, which has made it possible, by selling ship fuel for two lek, to gather the most beautiful ships in the world in the ports of our homeland. Thus, even the people of Kalamana laugh and enjoy the huge steamers, and take pictures to remember them when peace is over.

Previously, yachts belonging to other friends also anchored in our proud ports, such as that of the Emirati sheikh, Abu Zullap bin Katrani, that of the Turkish billionaire Çakmak Çarçaf, that of the Korean investor Pak Nga Pak, etc. These visits have significantly increased the number of local residents coming out of their homes to take selfies with the ships in the background.       

2- The Albanian Prime Minister has recently announced the opening of a special portal, where citizens are invited to denounce all other citizens who have secretly occupied public spaces, escaping the sharp eyes of the state, municipal, border, electrical, forestry and meadow police.

Thus, those citizens who in the last 35 years have occupied public land, built and legalized it, made additions, built on the coast and in the mountains, and have become tactical-strategic investors, are encouraged to sue the idiots who remembered too late to do the same with the few square meters that remain.

The Prime Minister declared to the media that he is forced to make Albanians proud to spy on each other, because there is no state here, this country is not fair, these are pigs for hire, and because all the institutions that should be doing this work are busy scheming behind his back, since the pear season has begun.

The Prime Minister promises that the wave of spying, neighbor to neighbor, brother to brother, brother-in-law to brother, and Ilir to Monica, will be temporary, once the satellites Albania 1 and 2, Lasgushi 5 and 6, as well as the Albanian space station Belinda 3, return from vacation. 

3. For at least a month, the fire situation in the country has stabilized, announced yesterday the Ministry of Defense and Counterattack, led by midfielder with goalkeeper features, Virro Pengu. The minister stated that just like last summer, fires throughout Albania have been brought under control.

"We control the fires every day, and they are doing very well," Pengu assured, " last week we were a little worried, because the rain that fell dried up half of them and seriously endangered the others. But today we can say with conviction that we will continue to control the fires until mid-September. I can't promise you anything for later, because we have other things to do."  

4. The recent crisis and the deficits created on the delicate front of garbage incineration in the first operational zone of Vlorë-Gjinokastër and in the Elbasan region were successfully overcome after the mobilization of citizens and villagers, cooperative youth, students, and anti-popular intelligentsia.

As we have reported before, after the massive and unplanned burning of their respective waste, the two cities with a civic tradition and culture – otherwise they would be villages – were in danger of running out of waste. The mayors sounded the alarm that the reserves of waste for burning in the open air were not enough for even two or three days, and from one moment to the next, Vlora and Elbasan could no longer be the urban centers we all know, whose fires are visible even from the Naimi 9 satellite.

But the general mobilization caused new amounts of garbage to accumulate in record time, which were discovered at the foot of Malbardha. So not only does the burning continue at a new pace, but ample reserves have been collected and now, the municipalities of Vlora and Elbasan are working for 2026.    

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column in favor of historical achievements


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