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DISCOVERY/ A study by Syçka TV confirms the old suspicion: Zero does not fill!

2025-12-09 17:46:07Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Zero at a historic moment of emptiness

TIRANA – Proving once again its impartiality, objectivity and purely informative mission, Syçka TV has published the data of an in-depth study on the figure and performance of Nuli in the Democratic Party. By analyzing and comparing the data, including several significant episodes throughout Nuli's liberal-democratic career, the study has reached the surprising conclusion that, contrary to what has been thought so far - and what the name suggests - Nuli does not fill.

The data was presented to the Doctor live on the show by Pim Çeka himself, one of the leading media cheks of freedom-democracy, somewhat embarrassing the giant guest on his son's television:

"How is it explained, Doctor, that your stratospheric intellectual height falls in such stark contrast to the party's Number 2, who our data says is not performing well in the filling process? I'm talking about Nuli."

The doctor pretended to be embarrassed, even though he had suggested this question himself.

"Look... Mr. Nul is not Number 2, first of all, because this role is played by the vice-chairman of the party. He is a general secretary and that's it... Sometimes he also performs the function of a private secretary, but it's too early for him to be Number 2. In my opinion, being a leader is a talent, an inclination, a vocation of a person, like football or the violin. Some have it, some don't...".

*** 

In fact, the study of Syçka begins at the beginning of Nuli's political career, as a doorman in the DP and a car park attendant. Later, Nuli was promoted to be responsible for the props and decorations of rallies, while at the same time attending night school for troglodyte medicine. As is known historically, the successive discovery of hostile groups in the party, from the oil group, the culture group, the foreign trade group, and so on, cleared the ground and gave other unicorns, including Nuli, career opportunities.

But at this stage, his lack of fulfillment was not noticeable, as his most used phrases were "yes boss, definitely boss" , as well as several speeches written by others, which he tried to read with the Doctor's timbre and intonation. 

Nor was the fact that, as Minister of Internal Affairs, Nuli arranged for his family members from Kukës to be housed in social housing in Saranda considered a minus. On the contrary, this was commented on as a smart move to increase Democratic voters in the problematic south.

***

The problems began when Nuli had the opportunity to speak, act, and interact in parliament, on the streets, and on social media without being consulted or ordered beforehand.

The study mentions several of Nuli's academic responses to Facebook commentators, from the laconic response like "You shave my body..." to the elaborate intellectual retort to a woman, with the Lasgushian lines " My little one, my little one/ you thought you had your mouth full/ but you got stuck in your throat/ like a field frog."

In his reactions on social media, there is no lack of sincere interest in the health of the commentators' families - a consequence of his profession as a doctor - with expressions such as "How is mom?", "I'll only answer her, not you, " etc.   

Undoubtedly, a special place in the study is occupied by Nuli's epic gesture in the middle of parliament, when he showed the middle finger to the narco-government clique. For this masterpiece of oppositionism, it is learned that a renowned Italian university had proposed the title Honoris Cazzo to Nuli. 

Another episode in the study mentions Nuli's congratulations on Independence Day, when he expressed respect for the unprecedented act of Skanderbeg, who raised the flag in Vlora, causing the discontent of the families of Jeronim de Rada and Dhaskal Todri.

*** 

But all these moments separately, would not make much noise. That Nuli was not filling up, began to be noticed more and more when it was noticed that the PD protest squares were gradually emptying. Now even the members of the party leadership were going out alone, because their families "had work".

No matter how hard Syçka tried to place the cameras at an angle so that the gap would not be visible, it was impossible. And the Democrats began to complain under their breath: "How can the squares not be empty, when we have a secretary who can't fill them?"

A veteran democrat in Kamëz also reacted to this, right in front of Nuli. But he didn't take long. He returned with his entire arsenal enriched by years of experience in politics. At first he said delicately, " they shaved my body," then he asked about his mother's health, and finally he showed her the middle finger.

Note: Patronageist is a satirical anti-emptying column  


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