MALLENGJYESE/ The Minister gratefully presents the Order of Aunt Olga to the Tall One

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FOR PROFESSIONAL READERS ONLY/ Shocking new facts about the consequences of Bella Balluka's suspension on ordinary people!

2025-12-06 20:00:45Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Panic situation in Tirana after Bella's suspension

TIRANA - Foreign news agencies have extensively covered this week the long list of concrete consequences brought about by the suspension from office of a key Albanian minister, also deputy prime minister.

Everything happened because of the special court's absurd fear that the accused thief might steal again, or destroy evidence of the previous theft, or even worse, do both, as if there was nothing else to do but steal. 

The Long List of Damages was presented by I Gjati, who anxiously explained that everything is ready to start flights with Canada, but there is no one to sign after the court ordered the minister to fly.

Also, there are endless bylaws of the Ministry of Energy and Infrastructure, - said Gjati in one of his daily chats on his cell phone, where he brings his face close to the screen - that there is no one to sign and this has blocked all work in these two key sectors.

Furthermore, added I Gjati, there are a series of laws and normative acts of the government, which must be signed by the key minister, also Deputy Prime Minister, who news agencies assure is called Ballukja, Bella Ballukja. 

"I could have signed these latest government nonsense," the Tall One clarified, almost sticking his chin into his cell phone, "but I said, why get yourself into trouble by throwing signatures up and down, while Bella is a guest of SPAK, doesn't one more signature ruin her work? After all, the prime minister doesn't sign, he inspires!" 

* 

But this is just the tip of the airbag (or iceberg?) of the irreparable consequences that Bella Balluke's suspension from duty brings, just under the idiotic suspicion that the accused thief might steal again if you keep leaving the keys to the safe. (Ridiculous reasoning: Same as deciding to take a murder suspect off the street, only you're afraid he might kill again!)

Gjati offered shocking, unknown examples of how Bella's suspension has paralyzed all of life in the country:   

"Here, specifically with concrete examples: Five cars with family members, old and young, young and old, are stuck in the Llogara tunnel. They were entering at the moment the Court decided to suspend Bella, and now they don't know how to get out. Not even Bella can instruct them that she is suspended!"

Speaking with even more concrete examples, I Gjati spoke about construction technicians and roller drivers on the Elbasan-Librazhd road that is being expanded.

"They are used to Bella going every two days and instructing them on how to lay the gravel, how thick the asphalt layer should be... they don't work any other way. Now the road is in the middle while the poor workers are staring at the road, waiting for Bella, " said I Gjati, adding:

"And if you want to know why the mountain collapsed on the new road to Qafë Plòçë, I'm telling you: The man who heard the news from the disease! Even nature protests when an honest working man is hit... that is, a working man... that is, a man... Bella, I wanted to say."

* 

At the government level, the main problem is that out of jealousy, even Diella refuses to sign in Bella's place. "Where is Diella and where is Bella," said the virtual minister, when I Gjati asked her to sign some things until the court dissolved Bella, "I can't help you. And I have 83 maternity leaves, or did you forget? Go away, find one of those bibabies to sign because it's not going to work out with me!". 

But at the local level, the drama is even more serious. The isopolyphonic groups that inaugurated the Skërfica and Llogara tunnels, and were getting ready for new inaugurations, have stopped working due to lack of funds. The guards of the Tigris 1 and 2 hydroelectric generators in Vlorë, shocked by the suspension of Bella, went to finally light the two tigers in homage, but discovered that someone had stolen all the oil that they thought was theirs and could steal whenever they wanted.

Throughout the Republic, mayors, cadastral directors, businessmen, suppliers, bartenders and waiters have indefinitely suspended any plans to score any goals, alone or in collaboration, waiting to see how Bella will get her way. Farmers don't know how much water to add to milk; gas stations want to know how much diesel to add to water. Students are no longer clear about how much - or what - they should give their teachers for a passing grade. Pensioners have rejected with disgust the pension supplement offered by the Tall One...

This was precisely the situation about which I Gjati said that "the court has blocked every activity in the Republic of Albania."

Worse, the funds shifted from one pocket to another have created a filthy surplus that has become an environmental problem, due to the wads of money that have not changed hands.

"And to think," sighed I Gjati, "that the environmental chapter is one of the most important in the EU accession negotiations!"

Note: Patronageist is an unblocking satirical column


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