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LATEST NEWS/ Doctor's Delta Forces kidnap Nard Ndoka; Vlora finally has water

2026-01-07 17:19:51Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Looking for a dry place to lay the cross

Informed sources indicate that under the inspiration of President McDonald, the Doctor's Delta forces have received orders to implement the long-awaited plan to kidnap Nard Ndoka and replace the dictatorial regime at the head of the Christian Democrats.

It is learned that the initial order was for the kidnapping of Të Gjati, but he fled to Paris out of fear. A second order followed for the kidnapping of Arlind Qorri, but he was always surrounded by either students or angry pensioners. Stressed that the days were running out without kidnapping anyone, the Delta forces proposed the candidacy of Tiku, but the Doctor told them that Tiku could not be kidnapped twice. Then they agreed on Nardi.

The doctor called on the number 2 of the Christian Democrats to obey the opposition, otherwise he will suffer worse than Nardi. The problem is that the number 2 is not found, since Nardi is both the chairman and a member of his own party.

*** 

Bella Ballukja has returned to duty strongly, to deal with the crisis caused by the recent floods. One of the first measures Bella took to deal with the floods was the diversion of two planes that were to land in Rinas, to Bari, Italy.

"In the meantime, the Bari line ferries can continue sailing normally and dock in Tirana," Bella announced. At the same time, she called on citizens not to get wet. 

***

Tiku Politiku recently marked the peak of his anti-prime minister protest, proposing two candidates for technical prime ministers after they destroyed his tent and turned off his gas heater. Sources for Patronazhisti claim that Tiku had been trying to create a technical government for days. At first, he proposed to actor Viktor Zhusti, but he was in a hurry and cut him off, " I'm leaving because I have my own show in the theater, continue your show yourself."

After frantic phone calls with aunts, uncles, brothers-in-law, mother-in-law, butchers and first cousins, no one agreed to take a ministerial position, much less the prime minister's. Desperate, Tiku saw Doctor Kalo passing by on the boulevard. After ten minutes, he also noticed Professor Kabon on the sidewalk across the street. " These guys do it, " he said to himself, and without being told, he declared to the media that Doctor and Professor were the right names for prime ministers.

But the situation got complicated when Nul Moka called Tikun.

"More Tiku," said Nuli, "why are you persecuting innocent civilians in vain on the boulevard? We have both the doctor and the professor together in a single candidacy!"

*** 

The heavy rainfall marked some paradoxes that are worth noting. Vlora was without water until three days ago and the people of Vlora held one of the unimaginable protests against the socialist government, with the motto, " We want water, dammit!" It is learned that immediately after the city flooded, the mayor traveled from neighborhood to neighborhood by boat, asking house to house, "Hey, how are you with the water?"

On the other hand, it is learned that in many cities of the country, the Epiphany ceremony for Orthodox believers, which involves throwing the cross into the water and having it retrieved by brave young people, has been canceled. “We can’t throw the cross into the water,” said the bishops, “ don’t you see that the world is flooded?” 

Note: The Patronageist is a totally wet satirical column


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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