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RED TELETYPE / Here's what the Doctor and the Tall One discussed on the secret line! 

2026-06-22 17:08:22Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Tall finding the Doctor's spelling mistakes during a speech

SURREL / PALACE of Liberty, Sala Street – The secret red teletype line between The Tall One and The Doctor, which, according to the agreement, is put into operation once a month, has been very busy these days. In completely random circumstances, through the help of a friendly embassy, ??the Patronazhisti was able to read the last conversation between the two sworn enemies, and is bringing it to the readers in the most faithful way possible.

Blue Switchboard – Blue switchboard, pick up, can you hear me! Get ready for the direct connection, Code “The fault is the master”.

Blue Centerman – Blue Centerman, "Failure of Fiku" confirmed, we enter the connection, communication is open. Over!

Tall One – Hey, are we in a relationship? Where are you, Doctor, where are you, my favorite caveman…

Doctor – Crime Eddie, Drug Eddie, the redneck, this rabid Sorosian! Hey, sir, how did this work go?

Long – Never mind, I don't understand anything at all. I'm painting to relieve stress. There's a hand here that's disrupting all our plans. We were comfortable with those protests of yours, three fireworks, four Molotov cocktails and that's it. Even with the latter, your teenagers were burning each other more than doing any harm. Where did you find them, aman?

Doctor – Where did Zeni find them, from the villages of Mamurc? Come on, we're going to burn Enver Hoxha, he had told them, and he also gave them 50 euros each. He's not to blame, what will he do before? Those who knew how to burn have become businessmen now, they don't touch anything with their hands.

Hey, what's going on like this, where did all these people come from? Do you have any information, what are the structures doing, what is the state doing? Well, you deserve prison, because you are a criminal in corruption, but what do they have to do with me?

Tall – You, you, the honest man of the world! My head is spinning. I was on the phone with Ivanka for two hours, she wouldn't calm down because of her crying. You're ruining my image with these protests, she told me. And who's ruining it, me! I wanted to tell her, you with that schizophrenic-narcissistic-ignorant-delirious father who's blowing up the entire globe, am I ruining your image? Or with that man who looks like a robot with a Zisi battery and never smiles... 

Yes, and what will that desert do? We had arranged things nicely...

Doctor – Listen, listen here. We need to activate the media, the analysts. We just can't do ours. Have you seen my Zen? He protects the protest a little, he protects foreign investments a little, he even got some kids into the crowd… The job is to take control of the movement. If we do this, then we'll sit down and eat roasted flamingos with pilaf, and open a bottle of Gysi's wine that you took from SPAK...

I Gjati – The pilaf is waiting, waiting. That's how you've always been, making pancakes with water. The point is to reduce the number of participants. I made some Greeks, some Iranians, some algorithm hunters, some luxury immigrants who come on vacation… But they keep increasing, you piece of shit! You know what? I suspect that the entire administration, even when it doesn't go out itself, takes its family to the protest. Scumbags, me with bread and them with stones! 

Doctor – What do you need patronage for, sir, to write satirical columns? Put them to work, they count you, they scan people. Let most of your journalists now not even dare to defend you!

Tall – They are assholes. Only Bero Maze has openly come out in my favor. The others only support me when things are going well, they take that money and go on vacation. How is that possible, man, everyone's mind is on money, huh?

Doctor – Hahahahaa! Yes, yes, a big surprise. While you were torn apart for these people! Don't open our stomachs now, you are taking measures and the situation is getting out of control. Even SPAK brought it in, it came out against you. It's as if you had the entire special prosecutor's office in your hands...

I Gjatni – Are you kidding me? I thought you had SPAK in your hands! So we left it…

Doctor – How about me? You had 60%, and I had 40%. That's why things have been so bad? Come on Edvin Kristaq Bojalliu, come on! What are we going to do now? If Zvërnec is blocked, the Zen towers and your resorts are blocked too. Then we'll warm up in the sun...  

I Gjati – We'll do something, okay. They have no leadership, they're a mishmash that doesn't understand each other. Those half-opings don't have anything in their hands right now, while we have the knowledge, the intelligence, the know-how, the savior faire, the elegance, the manner of conduct, that certain something… Think about it, those idiots from Macedonia and Kosovo are also protesting. I'll consult with Bero Mazen a little.

Doctor – Be careful with Bero, because he's going to get you in trouble. Have you forgotten what he did to me? I kept him with money and bread, even though we didn't sleep together, and he turned against me.

Tall – Well Doctor, you put it in, without him putting it in. This is how this world works, some people can even put it in for us. It is important that we put it in for the majority. So, as my Bella would say, “the main thing is that the balance of the input comes out positive”.

Doctor – The fox is the creature… Where do you find some talents! Everyone seems either a fool or a fool to me. You didn't bring us any good here, except for Belind Këllëfi! Even he, I think, is a cold halwa!

Long – Give the boy some time. Now talk to me here, because you threw us a bunch of crap. The line is indeed secret, but the possibility of eavesdropping is not zero! What are we going to do? I helped you, I did my best to open the way to America for you, I have fallen so much on Ivanka's knees that I can barely stand. Give a hand to my friend! Because I won't be in prison with you, you know! Let them not put you in prison because of your age. What am I going to do? Will I play backgammon with Lilo?

Doctor – Listen, Gjatosh, I have a plan. I say open the weapons depots, then fly the planes to hit the population with poisonous substances, and say the Greeks did it…

Dale, you know I opened the old notebook. Erase what I said.

Listen here: Go out the window of the prime minister's office, take a couple of snipers and order them to kill four people. Then I come to power and the game continues as before...

Long – Well, you've completely leaked! Are you telling me Baba Qemos' schemes? Times have changed, Doctor! Now there are algorithms, software, social networks, artificial intelligence, crowd manipulation... No, I'll put my chest on the ball like Selam Musai!

Doctor – Well, I owe you. I told you, steal with all your might because there's enough for everyone. Go ask the Sun for help then, you piece of shit!    

Note: Patrona?isti is an anti-teletypewriter, pro-flamingo satirical column


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