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THE OSTRICH AND THE FLAMINGO / I Gjati reduces the stars of the remaining resorts, so that SPAK does not seize them

2026-06-17 19:51:41Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
I Gjatni dancing during the premiere of the Socialist Party's ballet, 'Lake of the Ostriches'

TIRANA – The totally anti-tourist operation of the Special Anti-Cocaine Structure, SPAK, which is seizing most of the multi-story buildings in Tirana and the 5, 6 and 7 star hotels on the most exclusive Albanian beaches, received the deserved response from the Albanian government yesterday, reports the Rrojtore news agency.

As is known - as if it has no other work - SPAK is obsessed with investigating the latest wonders of Albanian urban planning and hospitality, with the childish suspicions that many new towers in the capital and many fantastic hospitality structures in Lalz, Dhërmi, Jalë, etc., were built with money from cocaine trafficking from Latin America.

We are talking about the same tactical-strategic investments, for which the far-sighted Albanian government has given visionary permission within the framework of the Albania 2030 operation, without asking about state bureaucracy such as: Does the land have regular owners or is an extra sheet attached to the cadastral registers of Vlora or Durrës; where does the money come from and why are they piles in basements, accidentally sprinkled with white powder; and why a good part of the prestigious investors are wanted by Ecuador, Belgium and the Netherlands, are in prison, or were arrested immediately after leaving the prime minister's office.

In fact, on many occasions, with his characteristic agility, The Tall One has promised strategists – most of them with tattoos on their arms, thick gold chains around their necks, and sunglasses that they don't take off even at night – that it's not worth it to deal with the state that is cracking its neck over a document; that he will take care of everything for them, because he has friends in the government.   

These very diamonds of Albanian tourism are threatened with being left empty because of the protests of a few tens of thousands of empty-headed young people, who have been joined by hundreds of 20-30 year old fascists who are so violent that they even clean up the place after the protest is over; with the contribution of dozens of fake environmentalists who don't have the guts to bring real flamingos to the prime minister's office, they are blowing up some plastic flamingos, at a time when the government has issued modern laws against plastic. Not to mention other shameful things, like some bloggers who sell creams on social media and pose in front of the Eiffel Tower. 

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This was Të Gjati's main concern, which he expressed openly on several occasions:

"These protests, unrelated to reality, are threatening to damage my GDP, that of many ministers, but also that of Doctor and Zen. If this situation continues like this, the average per capita income of MPs will fall below the living wage and it is no wonder that they are leaving for Germany. So come to your senses and register to start working as bricklayers, waiters and shakers at the new resort that will open in Zvërnec! Hurry, hurry, places are limited!"

Surprisingly, Të Gjati's generous offer angered the protesters even more, who began to come up with the most banal excuses, such as: "I'm a clock engineer with a beard, how can I start working as a waiter?"

That's when the worst happened. Under the influence of the Icelandic mafia and New Zealand organized crime, SPAK suddenly issued arrest warrants for many strategic investors, and undertook the seizure of 5-star and above resorts, from north to south. The reason was ridiculous: Medemek, all the police in Europe had brought evidence that they were built with cocaine money.

Then the Tall One decided that all the remaining super-hotels would be classified with only two stars. There were even some of those buildings that only received half a star, somehow avoiding SPAK's radar. On the other hand, he instructed the remaining strategists who had not been arrested to remove their sunglasses and chains, shave their beards and walk around with books in their hands, as if they had just left the library.

According to the Rrojtore news agency, which had brought cameras and journalists to film the protest, this backlash was the last attempt to prevent Gjati from appearing as a clean-shaven man.

"However," the agency added, "it seems that if the ostrich continues to not understand why the flamingos rose, then there will be no barber to shave it!"     

Note: Patrona?isti is an anti-fascist satirical column that does not advise ostrich behavior.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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