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SOLEMN ACT/ Gjati pledges to pay more attention to the needs of non-prime ministers

2026-06-04 21:48:21Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Long promising to do more for non-prime ministers

TIRANA/SURREILLE – Responding to recent polls suggesting he has lost touch with ordinary Albanians, and unusual gatherings below his office, Prime Minister I Gjata pledged yesterday to pay more attention to the needs of non-Prime Ministers.

“It is possible that, in the past, I have been somewhat careless in dealing with the daily problems of the country’s non-Prime Ministers, ” Gjati said during a video message from his bathroom at his renowned residence outside Tirana, Chateau du Surreille. “Well, that will change. I pledge here that I will listen to and take into account the concerns of the non-chief executives—a group of people who are very valuable to our country, in their own way, although science has not yet specified in what way.”

 Gjati has tasked his 50-person staff with helping him learn more about the country's many non-leaders.

“From here on out, I will do my best to address the needs of this group of honest Albanians, who, I am told, belong to a long non-prime ministerial tradition that stretches back hundreds of years in this country, ” said I Gjati. “To this end, I have appointed a special fact-finding committee – a working group to be precise – to examine the issues of non-prime ministers and to find out what their charters are like, how their staffs are working, and how they are coping with the increasing media pressure in this election year.”

A particular concern for Te Gjati is the impact of the global crisis on the daily lives of the average non-Prime Minister. He said he is curious to know how non-Prime Ministers are reacting to the rising costs of campaign television advertising, whether their donations from interest groups have fallen, and how much money they are saving for building towers.

“I want to live in a country where all citizens—whether Prime Minister or not—can pursue their dreams of becoming directors and ministers from the age of 19, even if they suffer from a lack of funding or literacy,” said I Gjati. “ Also, Albanians should not be left without the percentage promised to them by dubious developers, just because there is a SPAK check to verify unjustified income: Let the big guy make the money once, because he will justify it himself later. We must do our utmost to ensure that every non-prime minister can afford the basic elements of daily life: a sufficient number of Guard bodyguards, trips by bus, meetings with Ivanka, and political influence to pass laws in parliament.”

Gjati said that in the coming days he will devote special focus to meetings with non-Prime Ministers - to ask them closely how their tourist resorts are doing, how hidden investments through third parties are progressing, and in which famous football directors their villas are registered.

“There is only one way to win the hearts, minds and votes of the country’s non-Prime Ministers—a group that, I have learned, is larger than I previously thought—and that is to ask them face to face,” said I Gjati. “ Is there sufficient security at their residences? Do they have enough support from their private sector friends? If not, I want to help the non-Prime Ministers and their families get the help they need.”

Gjati added that he is so committed to learning more about non-Prime Ministers that he has planned a fact-finding visit to the home of one of them this month.

“In June, I will visit my brother to discuss these issues,” said I Gjati. “As it turns out, he is one of these non-Prime Ministers. I hadn’t realized it before, but in fact, he has never been a prime minister. ”

In closing, the Prime Minister said he has great respect for the many non-Prime Ministerial workers he sees every day, including those who serve him food, organize his phone calls, and wear his shoes.

The Tall One added: “You know, some of my best friends—including Bella Balluke, Taullau Bau, Baba Mondi, Mama Mondi, etc.—are non-Prime Ministers.”

Then he remembered: " Oh, I wasn't born a prime minister either! I was just a simple mayor!"

Note: Patronage is a non-prime ministerial satirical column


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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