OFFICIAL/ The Tall One's jokes are definitely saltier than the Duce's!

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SCIENCE/Flagrant dependence between SPAK's measures for government officials and the Long's efforts to resolve global crises

2026-04-24 18:44:05Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The Tall One resolving a minor regional crisis on the big break

TIRANA/ATHENS/ABU DHABI – Although various observers had pointed it out before, everything had remained in the phase of hypotheses and conjectures. But the developments of recent days have convinced scientists that there is a strong cause-and-effect relationship between the increase in measures of the Special Anti-Corruption Prosecutor's Office for various Albanian government officials, and the multiplication of the Long's attempts to resolve global crises.

The most recent example was the seizure by SPAK of at least 40 million euros in assets belonging to officials of the National Agency for the Information Society, which was headed by the homeless Mirlinda Keqrrita – who lived in a rented house and was given a packed lunch the last week of each month. SPAK accuses these officials and the businessmen associated with them of misinterpreting the phrase “information is money” , as they only took the money without providing any information.

Immediately after this news, I Gjati - the first to announce that his director was homeless, had no car or driver's license, ate once every two days and used the wifi of a neighborhood cafe because she had no internet at home - declared from Athens, where he had gone for an international forum, that Europe must definitely talk to Russia about the Ukraine issue.

"Europe made a mistake by closing the channels of communication with Moscow ," Gjati told foreign media, while wearing a pair of elegant pajamas. " I really don't speak Russian at all, but my father studied there and had very fond memories. Ehhh, what years..."

*** 

Experts from the Gjatology laboratory at the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine at the Agricultural University emphasized to the media that this is not the first time that the Grand Duke has been caught up in global crises, whenever his ministers are issued arrest warrants or their assets are seized.

Professor Shkurte Gjata, who presented the new findings, recalled how at the time of Teri i Mjedisit's arrest, Gjati suddenly took it upon himself to mediate a lasting peace between Qirje Miço and Baba Rexhepi, surprising both the Greeks and the Turks.

" Then when SPAK was put on Ben Tigris, Mr. Gjata decided to resolve the Transnistria crisis on the border with Moldova," said Professor Gjata, " while the most sensational episode was when the noose was tightening around Bella Balluka. As you remember, then he declared that he had achieved progress in reconciliation between the two Koreas."

Chronologically, as half of the government was imprisoned or had their passports confiscated, the Tall One personally dealt with the Azerbaijan-Armenia, India-Pakistan, and China-Taiwan conflicts, following the shining example of Ivanka's father in establishing peace around the world.

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The blatant correlation between the increase in verified cases of excellent theft within the country and the ever-increasing commitment of the Tall Man to planetary issues does not end with these examples. The leader has recently promised that he is working to very soon, with the help of the Albania 1 and 2 satellites, enable the first landing on the Moon and Mars.

"With the help of the Sun, which due to its heliocentric position sees these developments more clearly, we have confirmed that this is completely possible, " declared I Gjati as soon as he learned that he would be called by SPAK as a witness in the Doctor's trial.

Just the idea of ??walking through that door and being photographed by the media prompted the leader to admit that it was probably impossible for him to appear in court.

"I'm working on Jupiter's approach to Saturn," he said, " and chances are I won't be in Tirana those days."

Note: The Patronageist is an interplanetary satirical column


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