BRAVE / Albanian government saves black American at the last moment!

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NEWS FROM THE STARS/ You will soon receive news from the government!

2026-04-01 20:23:05Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
During the filming of the movie 'Mummy's Last Battle'

Virgo

Into your life will come like a fresh breeze, Episa Spirodhalla, who will declare that despite Big Brother taking her out of the game, she has a clear conscience because she did not enter to win, but to be herself. But beyond the interesting debates that will give another rhythm to the most thieves' house in Albania – that is, the Socialist Party – you will understand that Episa has never seen the movie Skanderbeg until the end, and did not know that Mamica is killed at the end.

Libra

Your foresight and business spirit will be rewarded this blessed month, after you decide to open a godfather's shop, where after a year you have accumulated a full 24 thousand and 500 old lekë. Now that you have said goodbye to poverty, spend this unexpected wealth on fueling your car, before the Transparency Board raises the price to 3 thousand lekë per liter. 

Scorpio

Hmm, you'll soon receive news from the government. Wait a minute... No no, it's a call from the mattress company that you've been selected among two million Albanians to benefit from an extraordinary offer that only comes four times a month: If you buy five mattresses, you get the fifth one at double the price. Hurry, hurry...

Sagittarius

Your knowledge and insights about the traditions, customs, and ancient ethnography of our people will be immensely enriched this week, after attending the proceedings of the first National Folklore Journalism Festival.

Capricorn

The influence of Mars in your sign will leave indelible marks that will take you a while to forget. This is because Mars – Marsida, your old college friend – will contact you after 10 years claiming that you had a child together back then, which she kept a secret. Now she needs some money.

Aquarius

You are a scientific case to study, because you blatantly defy the ancient folk saying: God gives you either beauty or brains, but never both. Inexplicably, he gave you neither.

Pisces

It's true that office romances are neither ethically nor healthily advisable. Your destructive obsession with the coffee machine will not only keep you awake, but it will also give you health complications.

ARIES

You'll probably blame the unfavorable alignment of the stars in your sign for the bad news you'll soon receive. But know that the fact that SPAK will call you eight times within a month has nothing to do with your poor horoscope, but with those 5 million euros you pocketed a year ago, by the way!

Taurus

Don't believe the rumors that Albanian doctors have all fled to Germany. You still have a good part of them in the Democratic Party. The only problem is that most of them are also patients.

Gemini

In the life of each of us, there comes a moment when a person must honestly reflect on who they are, how much they are worth, what values ??they have, how much they have given to society, how their presence makes those around them feel, whether they have lived a full and meaningful life... Put off this moment indefinitely.

CRAB

This time it's really news from the government. The Tall One will ask you to take your machine gun, grenade launcher, pistol, bombs, shotgun, knives, and report urgently to the Peace Board. The only other alternative he will give you is to dress in pink tights, red high heels, a soooo 

LION

Even though you've been trying to avoid it for a long time, it's time to make a decision. Your attempts to lose weight before the beach starts have only one solution: Join the Socialist Party and attend meetings where the Tall One gives 5-hour speeches while you try to stay awake. Or start a job in the administration, where just the nightmare of signing a document under pressure will melt all your fat. Sure, you'll lose five years of your life, but it's worth it.

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical column with the moon. This time the genies told us to do horoscopes on the occasion of April 1st.


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