STRANGE/ Report: Albanian government insists on being formed even when the country is not burning!

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EXCAVATIONS/ Archaeologists discover that Parliament was once used to make laws!

2026-02-16 17:19:46Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The former hall of the Albanian parliament

TIRANA – The sensational discovery of an archaeological expedition has made the rounds in the media, bringing to the public “the clearest evidence yet ” of how the government of the Republic of Albania once functioned. The study published last week provides undeniable evidence that the parliament building very close to the center of Tirana was once used to make laws.

The study emphasizes that the structure, consisting of a majestic plenary hall with a high podium for the leaders of the parliament and the government, and 140 seats for the deputies plus some pleasant side lodges for guests and a type of internal balcony in the upper part for the media, formed a separate and distinct power entity, which was called the "legislative branch" and functioned specifically to serve the Albanian people, by discussing and approving laws, respecting the Constitution and representing the interests of the voters. 

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“Thanks to recent discoveries, we now know that the early citizens of Albania had a more diverse and sophisticated system of government than previously thought, ” the excavation director, renowned archaeologist Pllaton Bubuqi, told the media. He noted that the forgotten building, now covered in privets and wild vines, was the site of a democratic experiment until this method of government was mysteriously abandoned.

"The seats in the main hall, the fossils of former microphones, some A4-format parchments, the remains of antique pens or pieces of cardboard that must once have had red or green pigment, depending on the vote, show that this country was bustling with legislative life. In fact, believe it or not, the data says that the governing system itself was called a Parliamentary Republic. So, the legislative branch was the first power of the system; only then came the executive and the judiciary. Do you hear or should it be closed?" , emphasized Professor Bubuqi.

Of course, the most interesting finds were some mummies of what must have once been MPs. Two of them were frozen in a shouting position with their index fingers raised, apparently in defiance of some law.

"We will analyze them in detail, but some carbon dating analyses that we have conducted prove that these mummies are surprisingly fresher than the modern-day living beings that have replaced them in this role," said Bubuqi.

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Among the most astonishing discoveries was a bundle of papyri, apparently the minutes of an ancient plenary session in which deputies accused each other of corruption. Using special methods, experts were able to read the hieroglyphs with the accusations made against a majority deputy, that he had taken out a zero-interest home loan, and that he took his children to kindergarten in a state car.

“It is amazing to read what the ancient MPs called corruption,” said restaurateur Belinda Cullufja, excitedly, “ but what shocked me the most was the resignation letter of a minister, because his brother was accused of not leaving the right tip to the waiter in the restaurant. The minister not only severely condemned the act, but also apologized for not sitting close enough to the waiter. Those were different times back then…”    

Archaeologist Kiço Pela stated that the latest discoveries would radically change the perception of today's Albanians about their past.

“For a long time we thought that these kinds of governing structures existed only abroad,” Pella claimed, “ and one would expect to find similar artifacts in Athens, or in ancient Rome. But we were shocked to discover that our parliament not only functioned, but was part of a complex mechanism of checks and balances. And listen to the most beautiful thing: A separate pole of power was also called the media! Yes, these today's scoundrels who appear on television, or the journalists who impose fines, were once called journalists whose word was taken seriously! Who would have imagined it?”

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It is learned that archaeologists plan to continue excavations and turn the site into a Parliamentary Archaeological Park, also seeking the help of Japanese architect Harakiri Sayonara.

Surprised, local resident Trëndafile Gonxhja admitted to Patronazhisti that she had lived in Tirana her entire life, but she had no idea that the street she passed by every day was once used to make laws.

"What does Filja tell you? I, the deserter, remembered that there had been a bank or something like that! I said to myself, thank you, my wife, let them come and dig it up, God willing, they will find other branches of government, too!" 

Note: Patronageist is a post-parliamentary satirical column


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