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JURISPRUDENCE COURT/ The Constitutional Court decides: This issue is not for us, take it to the Constitutional Court!

2026-02-09 17:19:25Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
One of the constitutional judges writing the decision

TIRANA – With a decision that will be engraved like a jewel in the golden necklace of Albanian and world jurisprudence; that will be taught as a case in all elite universities around the globe; that will be remembered for centuries as the moment that divided legal history into before and after this act; that will be sung to rhapsodical songs with the lute, kaba with the clarinet, with buzuq, with rock ballads and with polyphonic songs by the ready-made band of the Bench, the Constitutional Court of Albania announced its verdict a few days ago on the case known as the " Bella Mafia" file .

The most prepared judges in the country, gathered one by one like the most beautiful rose buds in the sultan's garden; selected after strict competitions and checked for erudition and exemplary behavior since the second group of kindergarten, after weeks of consultations, meditations, verifications and readings, would have to decide whether the main character of the " Bella Mafia" dossier - accused with evidence by the special prosecution of having stolen and abused public funds as a minister - should continue to remain in the very position from which he is suspected of having stolen.

***

The issue was certainly complicated, even for the cream of Arnautllëk's cadillers. However, with scientific courage to open new paths, having as a guiding light the messages of the 5th plenum of the district branch of the Socialist Party and the teachings of comrade Ulsi, the members of the Constitutional Court unanimously decided: Oh brother, we are sorry that you have struggled all the way to the town, but this ricjaja that you have brought us is not for us, you better take it to the Constitutional Court!

Here's how some of the stars of jurisprudence justified the decision.

According to Judge Fiola Papapapa, "we find a semantic paradox - and consequently, an impossibility to proceed further since we would fall into a terminological clash - in the name of the file "Bella Mafia". Both Bella and Mafia, it seems, do not fit. In the sense of Article 7501 of the Constitution, the name of the file must reflect a unity in the message it conveys, and must merge organically with the content of the material presented to us. Specifically, I know Bella for Bella, which means beauty, whether with her hair tied up, or when she throws Balluka aside like my grandmother when she filled the pot with water. While the epithet Mafia deviates the nature of the criminal offense, definitively removing this issue from the corpus of thematic issues that our court deals with. My decision, to explain it with the well-known principle of Roman law, is as follows: Lontano dal mio culo!"

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In the reasoning of his decision, Judge Kasandër Keci writes: " I am illustrating the matter. We have been asked to clarify whether a thief caught, let's say, with stolen gold in his hands in front of an open chest, should continue to stay near the chest, or should he be removed from there. First: Who assures us that the chest still has money? Because if there is none, the thief has nothing more to steal. And if there is, do you think that the next one who comes will not be tempted?

Secondly, from a constitutional perspective: What business do I have, sir, to mess with the Tall One? Leave me alone, I'll feed the frogs. Believe me, I wouldn't even give a wounded German a glass of water. There are riots in Korça!       

A much clearer, concise and laconic verdict was delivered by Judge Marjana Faqetmenishana, a former long-time lecturer at the Magistrate's Court, author of prominent books on civil law, commercial law and human rights such as "Fatbardh Pikaloshi", "The Adventures of the Nail" and "Peter the Rabbit":

"Wow, you raven! What's this? What do I have to do with these things? No, no, no, we don't deal with these things. As far as I know, we are the Constitutional Court, which means we judge by conditions. Take it to the Constitutional Court, you bastard. Stop bothering us!"

Note: The Patronageist is a pre-legal, post-apocalyptic satirical column


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