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MIRACLE/ Epstein's perversion emails restore Albanians' desire to read!

2026-02-06 18:04:15Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Young men and women rediscovering the pleasure of reading

TIRANA – It has not yet been scientifically proven whether every good thing has a bad thing, but it is definitely certain that every bad thing has a good thing: Albanians have returned to reading en masse!

The publication of millions of documents detailing the exploits of former American financier Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted pedophile, has rekindled the previously dormant desire to read in Albanians of all ages. It took such an event for the complaints that modern society no longer reads; that most Albanians are turning into functional and non-functional illiterates; that reading has become an instinct of the past; that the average Albanian gets dizzy and dizzy after reading a paragraph; all of these to fall apart within a few days.

**

Agreeing to speak for a survey by serial pollster Zalo Foshnja, many Albanians have claimed that the publication by world media - and Albanian media - of millions of emails with intriguing details of the filth, indecencies and sexual perversions of the world's powerful in Epstein's circle has brought back a pleasure that had been lost to them many years ago.

"I feel the pleasure of reading, like I did in my youth when I came across Comrade Enver's book, 'The Titists'; it's amazing," 63-year-old Marko Ruvina told the survey, " I hadn't realized how much I missed this feeling. Now I can't wait to immerse myself in the pleasure that the written word gives me, to read details of the sexual crimes that took place on Epstein's island of perversion."

For 35-year-old Pjetër Rrugakeqi, reading these letters made him regret not paying attention to his lessons while he was in school.

"Now I understand what pleasure those few good students at school, whom we called bishops, took. But better late than never; from now on I will read more and more. And since you reminded me, I want to find out in detail if there are other Albanians, men or women, who are mentioned in Epstein's files," declared Rrugakeqi. 

**

40-year-old Merita Përsheshi admits that she can't wait to finish work, return home and curl up on the sofa with a hot cup of tea, to quietly immerse herself in the world of sexual adventures of a Norwegian princess in Epstein's red-light villa.

"I don't understand how time flew by, from the joy of reading. This princess must have been my grandmother, " Persheshi emphasized, but was forced to end the call: "Oh, my food burned!"

The exploits of wealthy rapists of teenage girls have also attracted the attention of 52-year-old Trifon Pushti, a bakery owner.

"Yes, yes, I've been reading non-stop for three days, page after page. I'm especially intrigued by the parts where the perverted politicians tell Epstein when they can come to the island, and whether any fresh goods have arrived," said Mr. Pushti.

Meanwhile, the vast majority of those questioned have learned that the unpublished portion of the Epstein files, about 2 million emails, is even more poignant.

"It's a shame they keep them blocked, let them get them out too. Humanity needs to get back to reading," said 45-year-old Sheme Katrani, worried.

**

Informed in time about the recent reading epidemic, Minister of Education Mirela Kumbaraja declared to Patrona?istin that this has happened thanks to the government's far-sighted policies.

"As the prime minister said at the last party congress, EU integration goes through education, and education goes through reading. In this context, the discovery of the Epstein files by Albanians eager for quality reading is part of our national strategy 2026-2030," Kumbaraja said, adding: " But what about that former Norwegian prime minister who said that Albanian girls were extraordinary, huh?"

 Note: Patronazhisti is unfortunately a satirical column without spicy content. But try to read it, taxis.


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