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PROTEST/ Doctor makes serious accusations: This is the kind of gasoline the autocrat of crime sells, the Molotov cocktail doesn't even catch fire!

2026-02-12 17:10:37Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The plastic bottle Molotov cocktails that sabotaged the Doctor's protest

TIRANA – The gigantic protest of the Albanian opposition this February 10th, the most magnificent rally that the history of oppositionism has seen - after the previous rally that was even more magnificent, and before the upcoming demonstration that will be the most historic in history - confirmed with concrete facts precisely the sound reasons for the protest: That this is a thieving government that does not stop robbing the people with a knife in its hand in every aspect.

The accusation was made by the Doctor himself, who articulated the shocking denunciation in the middle of parliament:

"The protest achieved its main goal, which was to remove Tiku from the sidewalk in front of the prime minister's office for a few hours. But it would have been even more magnificent if the Sorosist I Gjata and his cronies had not also stolen the quality of the gasoline. Gentlemen! We have the most expensive fuel in the world, with tariffs, excise taxes and taxes after taxes. And as if that weren't enough, they also steal the quality, do you understand or not! Where have you seen in the civilized world, gasoline that doesn't ignite? Three quarters of the Molotov cocktails that the protesters brought with them spontaneously and without anyone telling them, didn't catch fire at all, because the thieves had poured water into the gasoline. That's why we protest!"

The Doctor then promised that the day will come when the Albanians' gasoline will ignite with a bright, pure flame, like democracy itself.

"The autocrat of crime is falling, let's make one last, or penultimate, effort to overthrow him. A few more kilometers and we will reach our goal, so I invite Albanians not to give up on gas for so little!"

***

The defective Molotov cocktails personally worried Nul Moka, who had been appointed head of the department of explosions. He had even, with his characteristic foresight, instructed all branches of the Democratic Party of Albania on New Year's Eve not to set off fireworks, but to keep them in mind that the spring-summer 2026 protest season would begin. But the gasoline had not even crossed his mind.

"Sorry Doctor, I didn't go into detail, even though I'm a doctor by profession," Nuli admitted when they sat together in parliament, " for this job we should have bought good fuel in Macedonia or Greece. They have it cheaper. I'll think about it next time."

"Leave this mental work alone, it's not for you," sighed the Doctor, "I'm just passing by my house because Liria has a shopping list." And he began to think about what new accusations he would make to Gjati. He remembered something and went back up to the podium.

"The government of crime, it's good that it steals fuel, it's good that it keeps expired tear gas cans, but it has also left the police without bullets! Yes, yes. The Tall One has equipped the police and guards with rubber bullets because they have stolen them from the truth. When I was prime minister, gasoline ignited like lightning, while the ammunition was combat grade. You wanted to shoot the gun! What now? Is this how we will behave in Europe?" 

***

After parliament ended, the Doctor tactfully approached his ally Mehdi Fatmbari, who also worked as the DP's liaison officer with the Texas Republicans.

"Doctor," Fatmbari said, "I have a word with you, because you never listen to us small allies. You know that I have experience in combat vehicles and ammunition."

"I know, Mehdi, I know. Even though I love you, I can't forget you, " the 107-year-old democrat leader replied, " tell me how you're feeling."

Mehdi looked around to see if anyone was listening, then said:

"You did well to accuse Gjati of the gasoline, because he's a thief. I know that protests have expenses, but some things shouldn't be skimped on. Keep in mind that a Molotov cocktail doesn't need a plastic bottle to explode, but a glass one, so it can break. While Nuli had made all the bombs with water cans, which were dangerous because they also had some water inside. The only glass Molotov cocktail he dropped on the Njuz 24 car!"

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column with tear-jerking tendencies  


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