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STUDY/ Rising oil prices clean the air, reduce obesity among Albanians!

2026-04-20 21:11:19Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Citizen enjoying the increase in oil prices

TIRANA - A recent study by the Association for Ecologically Sustainable Air, SHAQE, has revealed surprising side effects following successive increases in oil prices due to the blockage of the Topuz canal.

Thus, a survey of 500 people, conducted by Shaqja with the help of a 200 thousand euro donation from the Skuthi Oil company, found that beyond complaints about the increase in the price of oil, the increase in ticket prices and food prices as a chain effect, citizens have noticed with surprise that the air in Tirana and other large cities is cleaner.

"We were happy, our lungs were filled with oxygen. Long live the government," pensioner Hazbi Lumëmadhi declared to Shaqe, "there would be far fewer cars and urban dwellers on the streets. With this air, I don't want the village anymore."

It seems that on the other hand, more and more citizens, 3-4 kilos thinner each, are walking the streets.

"I was waiting for the city for half an hour, I got bored and left," 38-year-old Merushe Sallata told Shaqe, "this is what's been happening to me this whole week. Have you seen that I've lost three kilos? Even my husband started looking at me differently."

Meanwhile, the weight loss has also been influenced by the fact that with the increase in food, fruit and vegetable prices, Albanians have reduced both the number of meals and the level of filling their plates.

"I feel as light as a leaf," said 67-year-old Sotir Keci, "and it's good that you reminded me: My wife told me to get out of the lake park so I could gather some leaves and cabbage for lunch today."

According to scientists, the strange relationship between blockage of the strait of Callus and narrowing of the stomach is a phenomenon that needs to be studied more seriously. If this relationship is fully confirmed, it is likely that this method will be applied on a large scale.

According to strait expert Fran Ulluku, "if it is proven that there is a cause-and-effect relationship between the occupation of the straits and the clean air of elegant bodies, we would suggest that the Otranto Canal, the Corfu Canal, the drainage canals, the straits between the palaces, etc. be also occupied. We call on the government to keep the price of oil high, like our mountains of Kreshnik!"

However, there are also those critical voices who do not believe that this method will work in the long term.

Speaking about Patronage, professional skeptic Kanan Tafili, an incorrigible negative, said that the level of the dish on the plate is like the water level in Lake Fierza:

"Fierza, the water is falling below the critical level, it's no longer producing energy, sir. So is the work of the dish. My stomach has been covered in spider webs for a week now because I've been out of work. Rama, go!"   

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column that circulates by bicycle


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