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JUNE PATRONAGESCOPE / Zvërneci and Vlora Airport will slowly enter your life this month…

2026-06-01 11:57:38Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
One of the two million Albanians dragged away by Kushner


Virgo

The influence of Zvërnec in your sign will make you search like a child for wetlands, forests, lagoons and protected areas to build resorts, with the noble goal of employing as many Albanians as possible. Get out of here while you still can, unless you are Trump's son-in-law, the Tall One who attacks protected areas - and then defends the attacked areas - or the prominent Italian entrepreneur Ceto Castrato. But if you are one of these, go ahead and don't worry. Only in Paris do you buy flowers with money, here they eat donkeys.

Libra

If it's any consolation, know that science has proven that time and space are mere illusions in the human mind. However, curiosity is on our side, so we want to ask you: How is it possible, man; what the hell have you been up to that you're always in the wrong time and place?

Scorpio

Vlora Airport will enter your life with a bang this month, forcing you to land in an inelegant way. This is because you will be a passenger on a plane that wants to land at the airport, but Behgjet will give permission to land, while Behgjet's partner will order you not to land. Unfortunately, until they find each other, your plane will land in… Zvërnec.

Sagittarius

On the one hand, you should be happy, because Neptune's destructive influence on your sign is weakening. As fate would have it, Neptune, the upstairs neighbor with six scoundrels running around all day, will finally move house. The problem is, the new neighbor is even worse: He's just been elected a member of the National Council of the Democratic Party and he's partying all month long, because the whole family will be coming to congratulate him. Or hate him.

Capricorn

Influenced by the Moon, the stars have determined that you are an analytical, diabolical, Machiavellian, manipulative, scheming, calculating type, all of this in the good sense of the word. The stars also say that you are somewhat indecisive and do not want to leave your comfort zone. The latter, in the bad sense of the word. Because your comfort zone is walking on a tightrope a hundred meters above the ground and then relaxing in a spiky chair to collect yourself.


Aquarius

You were told to avoid excessive emotional relationships at work at all costs, because they are harmful. But you still don't listen: You insist on drinking that ginger and lemon tea at all costs, you don't smell ginger or lemon. You take a bottle of gin or cognac to the office, man, so you can work comfortably like the rest of the world!


Pisces

You will be surprised, even amazed, how so many of the problems in your life will disappear from your mind this month. And this with a very simple technique: Pay no attention to them and continue your life as a drunkard and gambler.


ARIES

It's true that you often feel like you're alone in this world, like you're not understood, like no one notices your actions. But don't worry. When SPAK calls you six times in a month to give you some explanations, you'll realize that everything you've done in the last five years has been followed and documented with great interest.


Taurus

Those who told you that you should get out into the fresh air, become one with nature, and conquer your fears, had no idea that while walking in the mountains, a pack of wolves would come out in front of you this month, staring at you with all their fury.


GEMINI

In a chain reaction that will surprise you, you will witness how some private policemen drag a protester in Zvërnec, then some state policemen drag the private policemen, then The Tall One drags the state policemen, then Kushner drags The Tall One… and at the end of the line, you will discover that 2 million Albanians are being dragged, caught one after the other.


CRAB

After many dilemmas, spiritual conflicts, and doubts about whether your passion should really turn into a permanent commitment, this month you will open up to your family and loved ones, and they will understand that you are dedicating your life to helping those in need.


LION

Your academic career will take a hit this month; you will be mocked by colleagues and savagely attacked by critics after you present your latest study, where you will try to prove that there are many cases when, even though you have a dog in your mouth, it is not necessary to have a stick ready.


Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column that has recently been following the lunar cycle.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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