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EXCITING/ The successes of the government initiative, "Adopt a Thief" are presented

2026-05-04 20:08:24Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Bella Ballukja presenting the successes of the 'Adopt a Thief' initiative

TIRANA - In a ceremony attended by the most prominent experts in the field, ministers and MPs, directors of departments and heads of dependent institutions, the results of the Albanian government's multi-year initiative, "Adopt a Thief", were announced yesterday.

Addressing the attendees, who were clutching their bags tightly and glancing at each other out of the corner of their eyes, event host Bella Ballukja gave some figures.

"At first, some skeptics had doubts, but today we can say that from 5 percent, the presence of thieves in the state pyramid and the institutions connected to it has gone to 65 percent," declared Ballukja.

As is known, the initiative, first announced in September 2013 with the right to annual renewal, aimed not only at protecting, but also at multiplying this social species in Albanian nature, adapting it to the requirements of the time and the conditions of EU membership.

It is a historical fact that the Albanian thief has operated for centuries in a rough and wild habitat, without those rules and norms that would enable the continuity of the profession and the transmission of the craft to future generations. It is precisely this lack of landmarks that has given this craft a bad name, which the Albanian government has today been able to remove with a titanic effort.

*** 

Anyone who looks back at the chronicles of the time will recall how the “Adopt a Thief” initiative promised, first and foremost, to help this marginalized group integrate into Albanian society, with the principle: “Don’t break the law, but change it.” The young thieves were trained to operate either by exploiting legal loopholes or by influencing the change of laws. Numerous seminars instructed the young talents to respect the rules, conduct tenders, meet the requirements, ensure that the documentation is complete, that the procedural solemnity is maximum, that the participating companies are legitimate, and that cash is as little as possible.

It is interesting that it was precisely in these seminars, workshops, and training sessions that students received their first concrete lesson in theft.

"How much did you pay to attend the seminar?", the leaders, the would-be thieves, asked at the end, "300 euros per person, right? Well, we robbed you! You only had to pay 50 euros!"

Amazed, the students applauded this masterstroke.

***

It's no secret that in order to train the senses and spot talents, the government and its surroundings simultaneously announced several seemingly ordinary initiatives, such as "Adopt a street", "Adopt an owl", "Adopt an animal", "Adopt a black and white film" , etc.

Although boring at first glance, they served as a talent academy, from which the future stars of excellent theft emerged, who to this day fill the pages of showbiz when they parade on the SPAK red carpet.

Since that period, much has changed. The obscurantist initiatives of previous regimes, such as “ Adopt a land grabber”, “Adopt an unlicensed kiosk in the middle of Rinia Park” , or even “ Adopt a pyramid scheme” belong to the bitter past.

Today, the government encourages the theft of the latest scientific knowledge, starting with 19-25 year old students who train in call centers to extort money from desperate pensioners from Spain, Germany, Italy, etc. It is no wonder that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, some of these talents will work at AKSHI, or establish companies that receive tenders from AKSHI, or do both.

PS While thanking those present at the above event and reminding them that they had to pay the participation fee of 5 thousand euros, Bella Ballukja announced that Palloshi would also like to be among them on this significant day. "But they informed him that there was a way out of the country, so he went to do some looting in Armenia," she explained.

Note: Patronageist is a looted satirical column


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