CHRONICLE / The main reason for the increase in crimes is the presence of many names and surnames in one person

2022-11-14 17:42:12Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Nameless policeman arresting a young man with three names

TIRANA / LAQ / KORÇE - A recent study conducted by the Albanian Institute of International Names and Surnames, ISHEMI, has highlighted what the State Police and law enforcement bodies have suspected for a long time: The increase in criminality in the country has a direct connection with the presence of two or more names and surnames in the same person, mainly young people in the age group from 22 to 55 years.

Not far from last week, a young man with two surnames committed an assassination attempt in Korça, which resulted in the wounding of another young man with three surnames. Meanwhile, another young man with two names and three surnames was killed in Laq, by assassins who until now have neither a name nor a surname.

Events of this nature, which have caused a wave of inflation in the national registry of civil status, are being intensively studied by the police.

"For several weeks, we have been creating a list of young people with several names and surnames, to monitor them with special methods - by satellite - to prevent possible crimes, " says the expert of name statistics at the State Police, Emrush The beginning.

In fact, ISHEMI's study states that 85% of the criminal events during the last three years in Albania, have as perpetrators and/or victims, characters with several names and surnames.

The remaining 15% are fukarenj authors with only one identity, who did not have enough funds to issue second or third passports. In general, these crimes of the minority started as a result of fights about who would pay the table. In most cases, the defeated party, that is, those who did not pay, ran into the house to get the weapon, and, insulted in dignity, shot at the payer.

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The State Police, according to Patronajist sources, is simultaneously working to call Albanians with two or more first and last names separately, to convince them to choose and keep only one identity, however boring it may seem. this at first glance.

"In this way, we hope that the crime figures will drop drastically, as we will have eliminated the main reason for criminality, i.e. multiple identities, " says expert Emrush Pafillja, who everyone in the neighborhood knows as Njazi Pa?avurja, for our column. .

However, the data remains troubling. Even in the list of problematic youth from 22-55 years old, the police also have characters with 7 first names and 12 last names. Even worse, the tangle of their marital statuses is further complicated, when single guys figure to have crossed our border points with three different wives in a month, or with 9 legal toads. Or when one of the names of a problematic person, according to the TIMS system, turns out to be working as a plumber in Belgium, while his other two names are in Vlora - one in custody and the other working as a waiter.

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By researching the data extracted by ISHEMI, special cases are also encountered. Thus, the Patronageist happened to find a 53-year-old guy who had no less than 6 grandmothers and 8 grandfathers, all with properties and assets of one nature or another, which they had accidentally left in trust to the 53-year-old. Throughout the decades, these grandparents end up with the most diverse political attitudes: some partisans, some ballistics, some communists imprisoned by the dictatorship, others lying ballisticians who then made a career in the dictatorship and so on. Taking advantage of these rainbow variations, the 53-year-old boy has kept his four names, five surnames and three hands, sometimes in baklava, sometimes in kadaif and sometimes in pilaf, inheriting communist apartments, plots of land of former owners, compensations of former persecutions and herds of cattle of kulak shepherds.

The patron learns that one of the boy's identities is Fevzo Blendushi.

Another emblematic case is the file of a super-high official, who according to the data is a super-politician. This guy, while working as the President of the Republic with one last name, with the other last name he spied on his classmates in the State Security, who then spied on other friends and in the end, all together spied on other classes and schools.

But if you think that the perpetrators of Albanian crimes over the years have been satisfied only with the variety of names and surnames, you are wrong. The study has also pointed out very special episodes, such as the case of the super-criminal SB, who did not care at all to change his first or last names, but has three birthdays. The first birthday, July 1st, is his own, while the second, October 16th, he changed to celebrate together with his friend Enver. He changed his third birthday when Comrade Enver's regime rotted, and he made it October 15 in order not to be identified with the vile dictator, after the chance meeting with which, SB, out of joy, did not wash his hands for a month .

Note: Patronageist is an anonymous satirical column 

 

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