VOX-OSCOPE OF THE MONTH / Bella Ballukja, Lul Basha and Dua Lipa will enter your life...

2022-11-28 22:34:56Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX

ARIES – It will be a saving month for you. Minister Bella Ballukja will enter your life this December, advising you to go down to the bakery in slippers and overalls, and not to take the car. With the money you will save, Ballukja will advise you to book an apartment near the new port of Durrës.

TAURUS - Although you complain that you are not taken seriously, your actions will not go unnoticed. The police and special forces will be knocking on the door so suddenly this month, that you won't have time to hide the three bags of hashish and the ten Afghan refugees you were about to take to the Khan of Hoti.

GEMINI - Professional cup readers use the cliché expression, "you will get a good news from the government". But you will really get the good news that the government will give 50,000 old lek bonus to pensioners on the occasion of the New Year. The problem is that you are in your 30s and your father's 50,000 lek doesn't even last you two days.

CANCER - You will explode with anger when you find out that Iranian hackers have stolen and will release the WhatsApp communications of over 500 thousand Albanians, including yours. The idea that your wife can get hold of your messages of several months with Brixhilda, the neighbor on the third floor, makes you think and curse this idiotic government and this small state that cannot keep a single secret.

LEO - You will enter a phase of existential crisis this month, when you notice how you, as a good Albanian, do your best to save electricity, while Tuci's bar below the palace, which keeps the lights on outside and inside 24 hours a day, the electricity bill comes as half of your house. However, the people of OSHEE will explain that this is an isolated case and has nothing to do with the fact that Tuçi has a brother who is a socialist deputy. 

VIRGJ?RESHA - The stars are happy to inform you that the influence of Mars will cause the ministry of Krifa Fridca to approve a farmer's grant of 10 thousand euros. At the same time, the director of Krifa will explain to you that in order to actually receive the money, you must entrust the halves to him in cash. To save them.   

LIBRA – Hold your breath! Lulzim Basha will enter your life this month – but not through the door that Bella Ballukja used to enter Dash's life – completely blowing your mind. However, he will understand that your life is not the headquarters of the DP, and you are not some oligarch from which he can reap something. So Luli will apologise, mumble that he was looking for Alibeajn, he messed up the address, and he will disappear in the blink of an eye.

SCORPIO - Education and a good school is your focus in life, for which you have received praise from all relatives and acquaintances. That's why you've made up your mind to apply for a laundry job in Manchester or Liverpool before you get your university degree. Arousing from now on, the envy of Tirana laundromats. 

SAGITTARIUS – Do not listen to the naysayers who insist that you are dismissive of women as a concept. You will show through actions this month that women are very present in your life: Your mother still cooks for you, even though you are over forty; your sister washes and washes you, while you give half of your pension to your grandmother, justifying that the money got lost in the washing machine, as you forgot it in your pants.    

CAPRICORN - You will be sad and excited when you realize how many people know you and know who you are, despite the fact that you have never met them. This will happen as soon as your photo is placed on the police wanted list.

AQUARIUS – Let your imagination run wild this month, opening fake Facebook profiles and harassing and blackmailing men and women, young men and women. Go with your free fantasy in the prison cell, imagining in vain that some family member will visit you to bring you cigarettes and a morsel of bread.

PISCES - To put it bluntly, you will suffer a great disappointment in your sentimental life. Because you had a meeting with Dua Lipa in Skanderbeg Square, but unfortunately she came with 10,000 others and you couldn't exchange a word at all, because there was too much noise.

Note: Patronageist is a satirical column under the influence of Jupiter