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INVESTIGATION / It is revealed that Albania has been sold in the air since 1990!

2022-12-29 22:29:57Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
INVESTIGATION / It is revealed that Albania has been sold in the air since 1990!
Aerial view of the 'Air of Albania' stadium

TIRANA / BAJRAM CURRI, etc. - What started as a journalistic investigation of the "Bir Selman of the mother" reporter network on the air sales of still unbuilt apartments and unlicensed houses near the hypothetical new port of Durrës as well as near the theoretical gent-plan of the new port of Vlora, turned out to be a much deeper and more complicated issue.

The investigation began after reports that the multibillionaire companies that will build these ports are collecting money from all those interested in apartments by the sea. The apartments themselves still do not have a building permit, it is not known how and where they will be built, how many square meters they will have, how many floors they will have, will they have a view of the water or the mountain. But multibillionaire companies have declared:

"We don't have funding problems, we just need several tens of millions of euros in advance to break the dollars."

But after the sale of Durrsak and Vlonjat air ignited the curiosity of journalists, the in-depth investigation, document after document, phone call after phone call, pronouncement after pronouncement, revealed the bitter truth: Not Durrësi and Vlora, nor Saranda and Himara, not only Shengjini, Golemi of Ksamili, but all of Albania has been sold in the air. And the auction started at the end of 1990!

***

The reporters of the investigative network "Bir Selman of the Mother" claim that the story began when the status of the Invincible Fortress expired in December 1990 for the small country by the Adriatic - and a little on the Ionian. The castle, which was neither a fortress nor invincible, but simply that no one had bothered to deal with it in the last 40 years, went up for auction. The auction was irregular, say the reporters, since the announcement "Albania for sale, hurry-hurry up; The first 10 calls also receive an orthopedic mattress as a gift" was not published in the three main national media, as the law states.

However, the tender jury gave the advantage to the first bidder, a doctor who had emigrated from Bajram Curri to Tirana for a more rural life. Today, history says that the Doctor who came down to the field, made the mountain life of the majority of Albanians, but at that time no one knew the secret tender.

The doctor distributed lands, plots, factories, mines, cut down and burned trees and vineyards as in my father's property. In the meantime, it should be noted that no one allowed father's tower to be touched, and it is there to this day. He also inserted the internet cable.

Among the first assets that began to be sold in the air were percentages of profit from the deposit of money in cas like banks, which were not banks. Their owners declared that they had inherited from their grandparents in Florida, so it was in their hearts to share their wealth with the poor people. The doctor didn't even bother to verify if the inheritance was real, or if the bankers, who still reeked of Partisan cigarettes, were doing something wrong.

The scheme was going very well. People were fed up with the air of percentages and praising the Doctor. There was only one problem: They had the percentages in their minds and hearts, but the money they had to deposit in the semi-banks had to be real. So they sold houses, land, shops, called on the immigrant sons to bring as much money as possible, to earn as much percentage as possible... and then they were left with their fingers in their mouths, at best.

In truth, the Doctor was a man, he was honest to the end: I told you - he declared to the Albanians - that I was selling air, and you were selling air; why are you falling on my neck?  

***

The sale of Albania in the air continued above and below ground. That the underground air is somewhat heavy, but it holds treasures in the tunnels that have existed since the time of the Undefeated Castle: Doubles, cartridges, cobras and flints, cannons and mortars, shells and tanks, were either sold or broken up to was sold. "We don't need them anymore" , said the Doctor, "because now we are a peaceful country" .

The people did not even dare to ask where the money went. He had acquired a chronic allergy since the days of the percentages, and his body itched when he heard leks chatter. But in the meantime, the people had started to become allergic to the Doctor's presence: He seemed too old, unrefined, no matter how well-read - with a lot of mountain garbage in his head, in his manners and in his language, even though he had decades in the field. He bought and sold like a jackass, he screamed, he lacked class, while people had walked, had seen the world in their eyes, were looking for something more.

So they removed the Doctor and voted for those who an old prisoner named Pjetër called: " You were not a socialist, but a specialist!" And the specialists showed themselves.

Now the sale in the air entered a new, more qualitative phase. Now he was playing with foreign banks, with tourist villages, with mobile phones, and even computers and the Internet started.

You had fun with the specialists: They spoke in long, difficult sentences; they drank gin and tonic and a slice of lemon inside, they used dizzying words like "the progressive left, the European future, the path of integration, we export security, stability factor " etc. etc. And in the meantime, they began to sell the coasts, the beaches, the coastal cities in the air. And obviously, Tirana, the diamond in the crown of air sales. Here, in the capital, the scheme as we know it today was shaped. The new buildings were sold before the municipal council met for building permits. The apartments were furnished without being built yet. And the percentages… ah, the percentages.

The new percentager of Tirana laughed and mocked the primitive percentage scheme of the past. " How fat, oh my god, that Doctor was without an aesthetic point, " he said to himself.

***

But fate has a strange irony in store. It was the Doctor, mocked and reviled, who came back to power. He seemed to have learned his lessons. It was modernized. Stayed close to young people. Someone would say that he had no merit, but he had grown up toads, who guided him, but also asked him for things. Whether this was luck or a curse, it would appear later.

And in fact, the sale of Albania in the air took a much more intellectual stage. Private universities emerged, one older than the other. They cut the diplomas with scissors, because the Doctor had set a condition that the public administration would not accept any illiterate. Cell phone and internet took a new turn. Even the Doctor himself, whose scalpel had rusted like the Illyrian swords, carried a tablet and made friends on Facebook. 

But vice comes with the soul. The doctor and his family were obsessed with tunnels, weapons and shells, like the first time. Being good and beautiful, he and his son still did not give up gunpowder. And it cracked in his hand. The event was shocking, but the family quickly pulled themselves together, although they came out of this story with a mongoose brother-in-law.

***

The former percentager of Tirana took the place of the Doctor. The qualitative change of Albania's sale in the air seems insignificant. As the investigators of the "Mother's Bir Selman" network report, now sellers no longer deal with kiosks in Rinia Park, military tunnels and individual houses. 

At this level of development of the Invincible Castle, the aerial sales bazaar starts from the highway tunnels and up. Just as once every two days the Doctor would bring out someone in the newspaper to announce the new percentages of clean money of Albanians, today the Prime Minister brings out Bella who announces how many meters the road tunnels have progressed: We are at 30% of the works, at 67%, 500 meters left...

And then there are new highways, ports, airports, even stadiums...

They don't say in vain, the tongue itself where the tooth hurts. As if to illustrate the 100% sale of Albania in the air, today even the new national stadium is called AIR ALBANIA...

Note: Patronageist is an anti-aircraft satirical column


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