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SCIENCE / A microscopic particle of the protest that really has complaints against the government is discovered in the SP laboratory!

2026-07-27 15:35:42Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The tall one in the SP laboratory

 

 

TIRANA – In another era, when technology had not developed to this stage and the internet and artificial intelligence were just science fiction notions, this discovery would not have even been possible. It would have passed in silence, like many other losses of humanity, whose time had not yet come to light.

But thanks to the state-of-the-art equipment of science, protest experts at the Socialist Party's good governance laboratory have managed to isolate and stabilize the tiniest particle of the 50-or-so-day protest on Tirana's main boulevard, which was not even known to exist: It is about the sub-atomic fragment of those protesters who truly have complaints about the quality of governance.

" Today, technology works wonders, " declared the long-serving socialist leader, who is also the even longer prime minister of the government, enthusiastically, "although what they didn't tell us when we made the 12 million euro tender for this laboratory. So, we were able to discover that microscopic particle of protest that is truly dissatisfied with my government. We suffered a little, but we made it."

***  

In fact, detection was not easy. The Albanians who were betrayed by this government - this insignificant minority that cannot be distinguished with the naked eye - were very difficult to spot among the large crowds of Greek agents, Iranian-Serbian poly-agents, Albinkurtist saboteurs of the Hur and the Rope, or worse still, among the democrats infiltrated within the protest, who, in order not to be recognized, shouted " Berisha in prison" louder than the disappointed socialists. Even to better disguise themselves, the crypto-democrats were not so harsh with the Tall One. Their slogan was "Berisha in prison, The Tall One must appear! "

Of course, some urban legends circulated as if Zvërnec was just the last straw in the protest; as if Albanians in general could no longer stand the government that has promoted theft in art, ministers who steal not because they need the money, but because it has become a habit; the prime minister who divides Albania's pieces like a pie, the system that holds competitions after the job is filled; holds tenders after the winner has been determined; takes the money after the patient has died; builds schools after the students have left, and boasts that it is taking them to Europe while most Albanians have already left themselves.

But they were just smokestacks; no one had seen anything with their own eyes.

Until the big revelation happened: Yes, there are some people who don't like this way of governing that much!       

***  

After announcing the scientific achievement, I Gjati promised that both the government and the party would not sit idly by, but would take drastic measures. And rightly so, because as I Gjati declared with tears in his eyes, “ even if a single dissatisfied person with our government is found among the Albanians, I consider myself a failure .”

After an in-depth analysis with the help of protestologists, it was confirmed that in fact, there is a director in the administration who speaks with indifference to the protesters; there is an official who does not smile when telling the citizen to come back in three months; even worse, there is a counter clerk who completely lacks empathy.

For all of this, I Gjati drafted the government response document, called "Dew". The document asks all government officials who face citizens to be fresh as morning dew, open and smiling, with humor and in shape, whenever they communicate with the people to tell them, " your property is not registered, dear" , "oh my heart, look next year", "brother, go to the pharmacy I told you about, that's the only place you can find these medicines ", " Oh star of the world, do you mind serving two years in prison for storing water without a permit? " and so on.  

There was also no shortage of verbal messages.

The Tall One made it clear to the Minister of the Interior:  "I saw a policeman throwing pepper spray in the eyes of protesters without smiling, it will be your fault! "  

To the Minister of Public Health and Private Hospitals: " I learned that a doctor took the envelope from the patient with indifference and carelessness, you will fire him or leave yourself!"

To the Minister of Education: " I heard that a professor gets angry when a good student who hasn't given a penny is left behind, find a hole to crawl into! "

After each of the ministers and deputies received their respective messages, they all looked at the Long One with empathy and compassion and said:  "How much he works and struggles for this poor people. But who knows, nooooo!"

Note: Patrona?isti is a critical but empathetic, post-antipathetic satirical column with an apathetic bent.


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