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NEWS IN BRIEF/ British Prime Minister resigns after mega-scandal "He could have done better"!

2026-07-22 15:18:26Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The British Prime Minister in the moments when he shamelessly resigns after the mega scandal

 

 

TIRANA / LONDON – The forced resignation of British Prime Minister Keir Starmer has captured the attention of the whole world, after the revelation of the mega-scandal that put him at the center of a media storm and public opinion outrage. As is already known, the scandal that has taken several names, such as “ Starmer could have done a little better ”, or “ The Prime Minister could not rise to the height required by the task”, or “We feel a certain disappointment that Mr. Starmer had all the opportunities for a somewhat more solid performance” , has also eclipsed the major event of the year, the World Cup, which Donald Trump deservedly won.

Appearing before the media and the public, Starmer lamented that after this disaster, he no longer deserved to be prime minister, nor an ordinary politician.

" I don't know how this shame that cannot be contained by the earth happened, but I apologize for this catastrophe. I feel deep down inside that I had the opportunity to do a little better, " he said shamelessly, trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears.     

The Albanian Prime Minister also commented on this development.

" Look, the world is abuzz with monstrous scandals, while I am accused of stupidity. No, I sold Albania and filled the parliament with fence posts, no, I filled the country with drug money, no, I took my money out of the country because I feel a dark hour is approaching. Do you understand what nonsense the Albanians are dealing with?" , he declared at a press conference, as an aide approached him and whispered, " Boss, where should I put these 10 million that came earlier?"  

***

Sociologists have finally proven that your girlfriend is crying not because of the words you said, but because of the way you said them. After studying your dialogue with the poor girl in a Tirana bar and interviewing the tearful interested party, they came to the conclusion that your communication skills are those of an animal, of an insensitive idiot who doesn't understand that the tone you use does not express any affection.

" I wasn't touched by the words themselves, but by the intonation, as if you were talking to someone who doesn't understand ," said the shocked interested party, adding that she would never speak to you that way.

" When you say: Well, you went for a run by the lake today, and then smile, this shows a ruthless irony, as if you were mocking! I'm not made for you to mock yet!", declared the affected party.

She added to the researchers that you don't communicate with emotion, and it seems like you're just chatting to get your turn.

" And then you say you love me! Why is love expressed like that? It's not your fault, no. Tell me a little, this is how you talk to your superiors in the office, huh? ", the interested woman concluded, looking for a tissue.    

***

The arguments of 4-year-old Mario Kastraveci from Sarandë to his parents, that the TV fell on its own and he didn't touch it at all, crumbled within seconds this Tuesday, as he tried in vain to convince them that the screen had broken on its own. Mario was speaking less and less after a strict interrogation by his parents Rita and Loni Kastraveci.

" I mean, Mom, you're saying that when you entered the room, the TV fell by itself?" , his mother asked the 4-year-old mischievously, picking up a metal dinosaur from the floor, " and this dinosaur - that I've told you so many times not to throw up and down - ended up here by itself under the broken screen? "

As Mario felt every protective space shrinking and stared at the floor, his mother continued: " Hmm, very interesting. But Dad and I have never heard of televisions breaking themselves. Hey Dad, have you heard that? "

While this report was being prepared, sources revealed that Mario Kastraveci was trying with all his intellect to explain that it was not him who had urinated on the carpet, but someone else.

***  

Following recent global events and the growing expectation that he would return and finally bring order, the Son of God Jesus Christ sought to assuage humanity's disappointment last Monday when he declared that he would indeed return, but would no longer interfere in their affairs.

" Although I will soon reappear upon the kingdom of Earth, know that My only commitment in this Second Coming will be to open a carpentry and furniture workshop ," declared Christ, the Light of the World, adding that He had a lingering obsession with a half-finished chest of drawers from the first time.

“ I know, my children. You expect Me to perform miracles once again and plunge Satan into a cauldron of boiling pitch. But by God, I have been sorely lacking in craft. I can’t wait to bring My tools and make shelves, bookcases, coat racks, and coffee tables, ” the King of Kings announced. He emphasized that he was interested in an environment with affordable rents, and his door would always be open to those believers who wanted to make a custom sideboard.      

Note: Patrona?isti is a satirical column dedicated to real mega-scandals, not the gossip of some excited young people.


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