TRADITIONS, CULINARY/ The Chairman of the Socialist Party presents the new document: 10 Delicious Recipes with Flamingo Meat

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AUGUST PATRONAGESCOPE / Watch out there, Agron Shehaj is approaching your sign!

2026-08-01 20:15:54Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
Agron Shehaj approaching your sign

ARIES

Because you were lucky, you bastard! The Chairman of the Socialist Party has just given you the Besa that he will be interested in any trouble you have, and if the stinking and corrupt administration does not solve it, he will contact the Prime Minister directly because they are very close friends. But even if the Prime Minister cannot solve it, you are sure that he will smile at you with sympathy, will look at you with telepathy and will advise you with empathy: "And you are dealing with the chairman of the Socialist Party, he is a murderer? He is a piece of fraud!"

Taurus

The stars are aligned in your favor. Are you beautiful or at least charming? Did you fall for the trap while working for the DP and no one knows about it? Were you elected to some leadership forum for show and then they don't count you at all? Hurry, hurry. The government has several vacancies as agency director, deputy minister of something or sector head of something else, since the socialists who were there before are either in prison or are protesting. Call now! 

Gemini

August will dispel all the illusions you had about Bella Balluka. Your naive idea that the deserted one had stolen - quite by chance - only in two tenders of the Grand Ring Road and in the Llogara tunnel, will fall after the latest SPAK announcement, that Bella has extorted every time she has taken a breath, every time she has taken a step, every time she has sat down and got up from her chair, every time she has smiled sweetly and written SMSes to Palloš. Be thankful that now her Ministry of Roads and Electricity, as well as Finance, are no longer owned by her people, because she would have become famous!

CRAB

Agron Shehaj's approach to your sign does not bode well. Keep every piece of printed paper, photocopies, dispensaries, electricity and water bills well. Better hide them in a locked drawer and put a history or philosophy book on top instead of garlic. This way, the chances of him sneaking up on the papers, grabbing them, and running away are drastically reduced, while you follow him, shouting, "sir, please sir, it's not allowed," and making a mess on the stairs.   

LION

The strange food cravings that suddenly strike you, the radical mood swings, the deep throaty tones of your voice, and the hair that grows like a mane, all warn of one thing: As always at this time of year, you are turning into a lion. Or a lioness. 

Virgo

The day has finally come! The favorable alignment of the stars will bring Virgos… mooos, the lights are out.

Libra

You can't continue endlessly with deadlines and delays. There comes a moment in life when you have to gather your wits and decide: Are you in favor of Flamur Noka being the Secretary General of the Democratic Party, or being appointed president of the Academy of Peace?

Scorpio

You will be very disappointed when you find out that your brilliant business idea, to participate in AKSHI tenders, to win without doing anything, to give the share to the Big One and to buy airplanes, steamships, castles and cars in France, is not original. Others have discovered it before, and even implemented it. Damn, because you would have made a lot of money and would be in the front pages of the media today.

Sagittarius

All people with any sense of justice will be shocked to hear in what conditions they keep you for eight hours a day, how they treat you, and what your poor ears have to hear. But in the end, you should console yourself: They have better things to do! 

Capricorn

The paths between you and your Ego will finally part this month, when you are informed that on the journey you are undertaking, there is only one empty seat and you must choose. But don't worry; even without the Ego, your horoscope sign does not change. At most, you will descend from Capricorn to Aquarius.

Aquarius

Even though Mercury is dangerously close to Venus this month, there's nothing to worry about. They're not romantically involved. They're just office colleagues hanging out a little too much because they've come up with a scheme to make some money without their boss finding out. Then you have Mercury in mind: Does his face lend itself to romance, huh?

Pisces

Fish in the sea, frying pan on the fire, the people have said, and they have done it in vain. Because you are spending your holidays far from the sea, and those black people who are still holding the frying pan on the fire, the oil has caught fire and they have been burned. Good for them. This is what happens when you blindly rely on every ridiculous proverb that pops into people's heads.

Note: Patronageist is a satirical horoscope column


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