REPORT/ The head of the Special Prosecution reports to the Ordinary Councillors

2024-04-09 17:38:57Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The head of SPAK before the members of KëlëPë

TIRANA - That day, the members of the High Prosecution Council were like in a fever. The head of the Special Anti-Corruption Prosecution, SPAK, Hyxhym Dumani himself would come to report before them.

"Bo bo, Mr. Duman himself will come to give an account grain by grain," they said to each other, trembling and looking anxiously at the clock, "let's hurry, we have to be correct with the schedule. It is not good for him to arrive before us".

KLP members with handkerchiefs and cloths in hand, wiped Duman's chair, the table, the microphone, aired the hall a little, and ordered a little Turkish coffee, a piece of Turkish delight with rose syrup and a croissant, so that the boss could have leave the house without eating. Then, to be in order with the protocol, they nailed the long slogan on the wall: " Criticize without fear, anyone and in big letters!"

As soon as Hyxhymi entered the hall, accompanied by two Duman deputies, bodyguards and 20 journalists and cameramen who asked for his autograph, he felt the tension of the KLPs and smiled.

"What did you do, my dear, " he reassured them, " here I will give an account, not you." We are in the service of the people, so you nail me with deep and thin questions, you hear?"

"What do you do tomorrow, Mr. Hyxhym," muttered the counselors in unison.


As soon as he got comfortable, the head of SPAK flashed a brown mug and began to tell a long story about what he had done last year.

"I am listing all the work we have done in 2023, " he said, " first, we want more investigators for the Bureau of Investigation; secondly, don't come to us to investigate 500 euro corruption because it's a shame, charge us for nothing. From SPAK, you made us KAPS. We are established to investigate grand corruption. For example, you as members of the KLP, would you deal with corruption of 500 euros? ” and stared at the bemused councillors.

"No god guardian!" they said confused.

"Aha, so you deal with big corruption?" Duman raised one eyebrow.

"Yes sir…. Yes, Mr. Caretaker," the KLPs said.

After the guardian, namely Dumani, made sure that KLP did not want to throw him down the stairs, he continued:

“Okay, calm down. Next, we want to be able to run again for the positions we have. The American state and society have invested a lot in us, so you should make the most of us. That we have our roots in the people, don't we, comrades, " and addressed his Spakist colleagues, who nodded their approval and laughed.

"So, I think we're done. The figures that we have distributed to you in the letters in front of you show how many files we have investigated, which are equal to how many decisions the special court GJKKO has given. That the people's courts are also there, and what the people want they will do, right?" said Dumani and led him away.


But the members of the KLP did not leave him. They had finally found, in the depths of their stomachs, the courage to speak.

"Wait, Mr. Dumani is nowhere," said one of them, member Barbar Tazaj, " so far only you have spoken. Now, I have a question: How come you didn't put that croissant in your mouth at all? There is a risk that you will have your mouth shut from all those corruption files. You can't let yourself down like that, sir!”

Duman was cut in the face.

"Ahh, here you nailed me," admitted the surrendered guilt, "for a moment, arrogance and conceit grabbed me and I didn't eat the croissant of the common people. I'm taking it to eat on the way."

After wrapping the dessert in paper, he put it in his pocket and as soon as he got into the car, he gave it to the driver, "Brother, I'm taking you to Kalamaije!"   

NOTE: More precisely, don't notice us. Patronajisti is a pro-reform, pro-justice and pro-Duman satirical column.