TIRANA / TETOVO / BUDAPEST - At first, he thought that he had gone too far with the 20 percent of power he asked the Doctor in 2009, and he only accepted the offer out of embarrassment. But on the way, Lilo Çepani saw that even if he reached 40 percent thanks to his political talent, the majority would be lost to Mari-Antuaneta Testagrande, his wife.
Sometimes he wondered why she had the name of a countess, while he as a husband had remained a simple man, with drooping arms and crooked legs like all our people. Maybe that's why he eats most of the percentage, he thought, because he needs to justify his aristocratic status.
They had ridden many waves together—not fighting them, but gliding over them, like surfing. They inflated and deflated together, he lost weight, she lost his moustache, and many would think that now at the stage of maturity, they had consolidated as a couple.
At first glance it seemed so. They never clashed, and the only insult that Testagrande had made to her husband in public was when she said: "Even those who are angry with him, admit that Lilo Çepani is a political animal."
He was very angry, but the counselors, after removing the drink, managed to convince him that it was a compliment disguised as a curse. "The political animal is the peak of appreciation for a politician" , they said.
The animal actually managed to get the same percentage of power after abandoning the Doctor and making a contract with the Long One. Some say it was double, and in some sectors of government it seemed so. Democrats used to curse him, now socialists. Jobs, tenders, concessions, not more than half were taken by the people of Lilo's party. They sprouted where you wouldn't expect it, and surprisingly, they had the same anthropological structure: Big heads, bellies, thick necks, and they walked with broken knees. They had even circulated the infamous barcoleta, of the type " when the Synod of the Orthodox Church convened, all the priests were surprised when they saw between one of them and a Bektashi of the rank of Haxhi Dede." And you, what do you want here?, they said. I am from the percentage of Lilo, he answered".
And the gossips got money, but few knew that a good percentage of Lilo's good percentage was taken by Aunt Marie-Antoinette without the money going home.
"Well what should I do?" , she said smiling like a guilty child, "we are a big tribe in Testagrande, we have many cousins!"
One of these moments, Lilua couldn't take it anymore. Here's howling: " You and your cousins ??disappeared!!!!"
***
U hodh përpjetë nga krevati. Ishte ujë në djersë dhe mezi merrte frymë. Iu deshën nja dy minuta të vinte në vete nga ëndrra e keqe, por kur kuptoi se ndodhej në qelinë e burgut, Lilo Çepani u çlirua dhe një buzëqeshje iu vizatua në fytyrë.
“Uhh shyqyr zotit! Thashë se isha akoma në pushtet, çfarë tmerri,” tha me vete.
Kishte disa ditë që e kishin arrestuar, dhe si rrallëherë në jetë, po e bënte gjumin top. Vërtet gjatë ditës bërtiste e ulëriste, shante gardianët nga motrat – edhe ata që ishin vetëm djem në familje – dhe përpiqej të kujtonte nominalisht të gjithë emrat e familjarëve të prokurorëve të SPAK. Donte t’i shante ‘ad hominem’ – i pëlqente shumë kjo fjalë latinisht, dhuratë nga ca intelektualë të shquar që iu bashkëngjitën dikur, kur u shkëput nga Tos Qorri dhe krijoi partinë e tij. Por mbase, ngaqë ngjirej e lodhej gjithë ditën, njësoj si fëmijët që telendisen nga të qarët, gjumin e bënte si sheleg.
E kishte parandjerë që do ta prangosnin, këtu e një vit më parë, kur prokurorët i thanë troç se kishte shumë gjasa ta prangosnin si hajdut. Pastaj e parandjeu herën e dytë, kur gjithë Tirana ziente se do t’i hidhnin hekurat. Herën e tretë nuk parandjeu, thjesht ndjeu prangat në duar, atje të kthesa e Kamzës.
Po kthehej nga një udhëtim pune në Kosovë e Maqedoni. Disa thanë se kishte shkuar për të bërë një kërkesë azili politik në Hungari. Nuk donte ta bënte nga Tirana se do linte gjurmë.
Por kjo tezë u përgënjeshtrua nga të tjerë, që pohuan se Lilua kishte shkuar në Tetovë t’i mbushte mendjen Menduh Thaçit – njëfarë ekuivalenti i dikurshëm i tij në politikën vendase, por me përqindje më të ulëta – të bashkohej me kryeministrin e djathtë Mickoski tani që u shkëput nga Ali Ahmeti. Në qoftë se do t’ia dilte, Mickoski i kishte premtuar përqindje. Po ashtu dhe Ali Ahmeti, në qoftë se do ta bindte për të kundërtën.
Po tani ç’rëndësi ka kjo? Kryesorja ishte që edhe në burg, të respektohej përqindja e partisë së tij mes të burgosurve. Duke numëruar të burgosurit e PS-së, PD-së dhe partisë së tij, Lilua ishte në mëdyshje. Me kë parti ta llogariste Ter Kokën? Po Alqi Bllakon? Si profesionist, Lilua e kish të qartë që po të doli njëherë nami se të ka rënë përqindja, s’të merr më kush seriozisht. Ndaj mendoi se do ishte mirë t’i shkruante SPAK-ut të fuste brenda dhe Mari-Antuanetën.
***
Kur i hyri për herë të parë politikës – vite përpara floririt të Krrabës – shihte shumë video të shokut Enver për t’i kopjuar posturën e trupit, lëvizjet e duarve, timbrin e zërit, kadencën. I duheshin patjetër votat e veteranëve, ndaj dhe u shfaq si anti-fashist. Mësoi të gjithë emrat dhe bëmat e heronjve dhe këngët partizane.
The trouble did not go to waste; all of these now in the cell were put to work. He performed pomps while singing partisan songs, which he interrupted from time to time to remind the prosecutors of his sisters. There was no concern for the party. After expelling Marie-Antoinette - accusing her of having politically slept with Lul Flok-patalcjani by burning the mandates of deputies without permission -, she started training for deputy Bilushi. This one was first-hand loyal and took note of everything Lilua said when she was spring training or climbing walls like Spider-Man.
It was somewhat amusing to see how Bilushi, intentionally or instinctively, had begun to imitate him in intonation, vocabulary and body language. For some time, Bilo's family members were even worried that the boy had started to break his knees when he walked, but he assured them that he was fine.
Lilua was doubly relieved when she remembered Bilushi.
"Brave boy," he thought, " and from a brave tribe . " And he took it slow to that famous epic song:
The Thirteen Bibles
Van on the ropes himself
Get up Bilush and throw the ropes
Come on, I'm a gypsy
That I'm not a bowl of buttermilk
Yes, I'm Bilushi with a scarf!"………..
.... This is how it looked in a building with seven windows of the Albanian capital, on a day of the third moon of the Second Autumn of Weather 24, Two thousand years after Christ. Written down according to the guardians' confessions, by the lost servant of Allah, the Patronage.
Note: The patronage is a satirical column with occasional chronic tendencies