Ahmed Alhashimi stood on the shore, howling at the receding waves, beating his chest and surrendering to grief, rage and guilt that wouldn't go away.
" I couldn't protect him. I will never forgive myself. But the sea was the only choice I had ," he said.
A week earlier, before dawn, on the same stretch of French coast south of Calais, the 41-year-old had found himself huddled inside a dinghy screaming for help, lashing out at the troops around him, begging people to move. , to give him space, to let him descend and rescue his seven-year-old daughter, Sarah, from the suffocating darkness in which she was.
"I just wanted him to move so I could pull my baby up," explained Ahmed, the young Sudanese man.
" That time was like death itself. We saw people dying. I saw how those men were behaving. They didn't care if they were stepping on a child, or someone's head, young or old. People started drowning ," Ahmed said bitterly.
Although Ahmed is an Iraqi, his daughter had never even visited the country. She was born in Belgium and spent most of her short life in Sweden.
Five people died from the incident in the raft.
I was on the beach at the time with a BBC crew and filmed the chaos as the smugglers, escorting their passengers along the beach to a small boat, used firecrackers and batons to fend off a group of French police.

As the ship moved further out to sea, we heard someone shouting from one side. But in the pre-dawn darkness it was impossible to tell what was happening. As dawn broke, the police were already leaving the shore along with a suspected smuggler and some of the migrants who had failed to board.
Ahmed later confirmed that the man screaming for help was him, desperately pleading with those around him to save Sara's life.
Ahmed's wife, Nour AlSaeed, and two other children, 13-year-old Rahaf and eight-year-old Hussam, were also trapped in the boat but could still breathe.
"I am a construction worker. I am strong. But I couldn't get my leg out. No wonder my little girl couldn't either. It was under our feet," Ahmed said.
This had been the family's fourth attempt at a crossing since they had arrived in the area two months earlier. Twice the police caught them on the beach as they tried to keep up with other migrants who were running towards a trafficker's boat.
Ahmed said that this time the smugglers, who paid €1,500 (£1,280) per adult, and half that for each child, had promised him that only 40 people, mostly Iraqis, would board their boat, but that they were surprised when a particular group of Sudanese immigrants appeared on the beach and insisted on crowding aboard.
Sarah had been quiet at first, holding her father's hand as they walked out of Wimereux train station the evening before. Then they were hiding in the dunes north of the city during the night./ BBC