ELECTIONS/ The last 100 Albanians who are not on the lists of deputies, in the administration or in prison leave the country

TIRANA - The anxiety accumulated by the entire Albanian population in recent weeks and days, like the steam of beans in a pressure cooker, exploded and was released yesterday, as the main political parties announced their lists of candidates for deputies for the May 11 elections.

The live publication of the lists surpassed the ratings of the Champions League matches, with television stations taking advantage of the opportunity and inserting advertisements right in the middle of Bella Ballukja reading the names of the Socialist list of Fier. Rightly so, in fact, since the latter forgot that she was only supposed to read the names, and started talking about the Murriz tunnel.

The high viewership has an explanation; because football is a hobby, at most some pocket money for those who play the lottery, while the list of candidates is a vital issue for the vast majority of Albanians.

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The first to wait for the release of the lists with a heartbeat of 200 were the candidates themselves: Would they be on the safe list, or on the open list? The second were the candidates' family members, cousins, and relatives. Depending on their position and chances of winning, they expect a promotion if they are in the socialist administration, or a license and jobs in tomorrow's government if they are democrats and throw the Soros communists out of power.

Third come voters of all parties, who in case of victory hope for a salary in the water supply, the neighborhood kindergarten, the forest or border police.  

All these passions and stresses seemed to have dissipated yesterday, and the publication of the names filled the public with the adrenaline that comes from the removal of a worry.

From now on, until May 11, everyone is expecting something, everyone has a goal, and life has more colors.

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The only ones who, after the peak moment of the lists, find themselves nowhere and see reality in black and white are about 100 disappointed Albanians who do not fit into any equation.

According to Patronageist's sources, they are not part of any of the above categories, and thank God, they are not in prison either, so they have decided to leave the country.

"Everyone I know has settled down, or hopes to settle down. Nothing is keeping me in this country. They don't want the capable," said disappointed democrat Jaran Sula, "I will leave Albania, I will become a diaspora."

Another unfulfilled individual was citizen Volta Llaçka. She stated that she is waiting for a final answer from the state on whether they will accept her as a strategic voter in Dhërmi, but she does not have much hope.

"There is a good chance I will go to America," said Llaçka, "because I have applied for Minister of Defense."

Professional wrestler Ketro Poçi also feels unrepresented. He claimed that he didn't have high expectations this time, a position as deputy minister or deputy deputy would be enough. But they didn't promise him that either.

"Tomorrow at lunchtime I'm leaving for Italy. Although I'll be leaving this place at night, " sighed the professional.

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In conclusion, INSTAT data specifies that currently on the voter lists in Albania, only ministers, candidates for MPs, directors and administration staff - and those who hope to replace them tomorrow - as well as those who are in prison, along with those who have taken them to prison, namely employees of the Internal Affairs Branch, are residents.

The last 100 who remained unorganized or hopeless are cutting their tickets.

PS From the latest reports, it is learned that Jaran Sula has canceled his departure, after Tiku Politiku promised him a candidate spot in his party, next to the name of Tiku's father, who became a candidate after threatening Tiku that he would leave the country.

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical column. Any association (linguist Kazan Huri has assured us that this is an Albanian word, it comes from salca) with real characters is intentional.