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WIZARDS / Illusionist Albania dissolves like salt in water, everything falls into its hands 

2024-01-21 15:00:28Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
WIZARDS / Illusionist Albania dissolves like salt in water, everything falls
One of David Copperfield's many prestiges, which Albania has done before him

TIRANA - Although a small country, Albania is occupying an increasingly visible space - and this time for the better - in the media and international institutions.

As the Patronage learns, the most recent success comes from the field of tourism prestige. According to the latest official statistics, the country of eagles has made possible the evaporation of almost 850 thousand foreign visitors within last November alone. 

As in a phenomenon of the Bermudian triangle, that month it appears that more than 1 million foreign visitors entered Albania, which INSTAT necessarily calls tourists; but it turns out that only 150,000 have slept in hotels, guesthouses, hostels, agribusinesses, etc. The magic of the central government in cooperation with the local government and disinterested groups has made it impossible to find out where the change went. What did they do?

Were they Albanians with foreign passports who simply went to their homes? Did they stay in apartments, studios or air/bnb not recognized by the state? Did they go to the Reestablishment meetings and decide not to leave?

Nothing definite is known. The State Police has stated that it has sent special experts to the scene and intensive investigations are underway for the yellowing of the event. But even the experts have disappeared.

*** 

It is not the first time, and it will not be the last, that Albania and its governments are praised by Western opinion for these unusual talents in illusionism. From the beginning of the 90s until today, the country has amazed many naive and foreign foreigners who pretended that they had given Albania millions of dollars, francs, marks and then euros, but it was only their imagination sick.

With a slight stoic smile, Albania and its governments responded to the next donor: " That's how it seems to you, sir, but you didn't give me anything in cash. You said you would give it to me, you forgot ." And he returned his pockets calmly: " Here, check if you want."

Thus, the Patronage learns that over 25 years, the equivalent of over 300 million euros has been given for the integration of Roma and Egyptians. If each of them had been built a house and a shop, the amount would be smaller. But we must be understanding that leaflets, projectors, computers and rented rooms for conferences on Roma rights are not given by anyone for free.  

A real magic, among many such, are the water pipes of the villages of the Albanian cities in 30 years. Cities yes, but every municipality in Albania has also received - generally from foreign benefactors - the funds for the construction of at least three water pipes each.

But something happened, and things always went wrong. Or the money was spent only on the project on paper, and there was nothing left for implementation; or only half of the water reservoir was built and the opening of the channel was forgotten, and so on. However, in addition to prestige, it was rarer that the mayors also did some charity work. Thus, the mayor of Lozhan, somewhere from Korça, reallocated a part of the water funds to educate the son in Tiranttt, and the investment hit the mark: the son received a private school with public funds, became a member of parliament with a surname reminiscent of Salina, and for some time he came around the capital with a fish in his hand.

***

The famous illusionist David Copperfield once thought of a very classic number: To put a man in Albania, close him with a lid, then saw the country in two halves....

Don't get tired, they told him. That place has been sawed since 1913 and it remains like that, in pieces.

But the famous magician did not give up.

"What about that number that a beautiful girl takes, puts it in a closet, closes it tightly, and then when you open the closet, the girl is gone, did someone do it?"  

Those present, who knew the situation, saw the joke and shouted in chorus.

"Listen, master ," they said, with the patience needed to explain things to a kalamani, " That place that doesn't fill your mind, hasn't just disappeared one or two beauties. Albania, which at first sight should have over 4.5 million people, if you open it and shake it, you won't even find 2 million inside. In other words, another 2.5 million have disappeared, evaporated! Only one beauty is left, Luli. He is also half gone".

The sad illusionist asked one last question. "Yes, you are welcome, brother. Whatever you throw at them, they dissolve from the face of the earth. Tourists, money, water supply, schools, themselves... Do they take anything out?"

"No ," they told him, " every now and then they export a barge of cucumbers, but even that is returned to them because they have saturated it with pesticides!"

Note: Patronageist is a satirical anti-illusionist column 


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