THE LOSS OF KUKS / The United Opposition crucify Dule, Nard Ndoka and Gon Duka for lack of commitment

TIRANA - Respecting the beautiful tradition of issuing responsibilities immediately after an electoral defeat, the united Albanian opposition gathered in Tirana to find the culprits of the failure in the partial local elections for the municipality of Kukës.

The participants who took the floor gave a variety of reasons for this blow that the opposition received, especially since after the sexual scandal of the arrested socialist leader Safet Gjici, it was expected that the disgusted voters from Kuksi would hold their breath as they were, in the offices of the local DP and other coalition parties.

Thus, a very interesting reasoning was given by the Kuksian MP Nul Moka. According to him, maybe the opposition was in a hurry to release the sexual video of the dismissed former president.

"I think we should have shot several videos and not just one. To be honest, what was going on behind the table with that chick was not so clear. I believe that if we had a series of videos, with different styles and positions, with several cameras and with a more professional direction, where sex was performed not just behind the chairman's desk, but in all the armchairs, sofas and office furniture, then victory would be guaranteed ," Nuli declared, receiving the enthusiastic approval of those present. 

***

But despite the approval of the hall and the apparent guffaws of the opposition members at Null's colorful descriptions, the Doctor did not like the reasoning.

"No Mr. Nul, I don't believe that's the reason," said the Doctor, "we really have all the right logistics to do professional filming, that we have my son's television crews and we could really pull off a decent production, but we have to look for the culprits elsewhere".

According to the Doctor, the weaknesses were to be found in the lack of commitment of some allies. Thus, according to him, even though the right mobilized strongly to protect and support Frederik Bejler of PBDNJ in Himarë, mayor Dule did not show the same commitment to Kukës.

"Here, I ask: How much was mobilized for these elections by the local PBDNJ branch for Kukës, Hasi and Kruma?" declared the Doctor, " how many votes did we get from the Greek minorities of Shishtavec?" Why was the Omonia of the northeast so magical? This is the issue".

Dulezi's efforts to clarify that Kukësi does not have as many Greek minorities as he would like, were in vain. Salla countered him by saying that if PBDNJ has so little support in Kukës, it is his fault, so he should not make useless excuses.

***

Another weak link in the opposition chain in Kukës, the Doctor pointed to the Christian Democrats of Nard Ndoka. " The Christian Democratic vote in this area has always been weak," said the Doctor, " so let Mr. Ndoka stand up and give an account."

Sweating from embarrassment, Nardi clarified that Kukësi is not known for its Catholic population, which is also the base of his party.

"From what I have noticed, Doctor," said Nardi with a trembling voice, "Kuksians are mostly Muslims. Even someone who has changed his religion has become Dhimitraq and Kiço. Most have become James and Stuart. No Kuksian has become Paulin, Fran?esk, Bep, Njac or Shtjefën. This has been our weakness as a party...".

After Ndoka's self-criticism, the Doctor turned to Gon Duke. "Don't get up Mr. Duka. How is it possible that you get votes in bags in Durrës and Shijak, but you have completely neglected Kukës?"

Gonia took out a pencil and paper, and explained that his factories in Durrës and Shijak have so many workers; the latter are so close to family and relatives, and together they make so many votes. " While in Kukës, I don't have a factory, but no kiosk, Mr. Doctor. Then I pack rice, sugar and beans, while Kukësi only makes potatoes..."

The Doctor understood Gonen. He assured him that as soon as the construction of the tower behind the Palace of Culture in Tirana is finished, his Agrarian Party will be interested in opening an environmental potato chip factory in Kukës.

"That way you will also have your votes," declared the Doctor.     

***

In the end, the meeting of the opposition drew the right conclusions and came out with the joint statement that next time they will do better in Kukës. However, Nul Moka did not feel bad.

"If only we could see that work of sex videos, Doctor...", he pleaded, "they have a lot of potential".

Note: Patronageist is a post-election satirical column