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100 funny quotes about women and marriage

2022-11-12 15:29:56Lifestyle SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
100 funny quotes about women and marriage
100 funny quotes about women and marriage

What philosophers, writers, politicians, but also great women have said about women, love and marriage. The 100 funniest quotes selected by "Vox News"

1- Those who do not show love, do not feel love. -William Shakespeare

2- If couples in marriage put in half the effort they put into each other when they get to know each other, they'd be surprised how well things would go. -Billy Graham

3- If women did not exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. -Aristotle Onassis

4- As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her daughter, she is very happy. - Oscar Wilde

5- The goal in marriage is not to think the same as your partner, but to think with him. -Robert C. Dodds

6- If women ruled the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams

7- One should marry only if he is knowledgeable enough. Marriage is not for the young, usually, as they are to wander, but for those people who have tried life in different ways, seen different colors of it, the whole spectrum, and now they are ready to stop. - Osho

8- God has established the type of marriage everywhere in creation. Every creature seeks its perfection in someone else. The heavens and the earth themselves portray it better.– Martin Luther

9- When you see a couple walking down the street, the one who is a few steps ahead is the husband who has gone crazy. – Helen Rowland

10- Beautiful women are created for unimaginative men, while wise women are for unlucky men. -Jacomo Casanova

11- We always go for a walk hand in hand, if I let her go, she goes shopping. – Henry Youngman

12- When a man has once loved a woman, he will do nothing for her, except continue to love her.- Oscar Wilde

13- Men are mostly good as lovers when they are cheating on their wives. – Marilyn Monroe

14- Behind every great man hides a small woman who helps him. The man may be the head, but the woman is often the neck that turns him.-Anonymous

15- Marriage is about giving and receiving. You better give it to her, because she'll take it anyway.– Joey Adams

16- Remember that guy who asked the woman: "How is it possible that God made you so beautiful, but so stupid?". She replies: "I'm pretty for you to marry me, and stupid for me to marry you"! - Joey Adams

17- Nobody told me I was beautiful when I was a little girl. All little girls need to be told that they are beautiful, even if they are not. – Marilyn Monroe

18- The man told me that he needed more space. That's why I left it out. – Roseanne Barr

19- Love is blind, while marriage turns your eyes. - Agatha Christie

20 - My advice is to get married; if you find a good wife, then you will be happy, if not, then you will become a philosopher.- Socrates

21- Before marriage, a man declares that he will give his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even put the paper down to talk to you. – Helen Rowland

22- If you want to learn something about altruism, humility and responsibility, just get married!-Anonymous

23- When a man opens the car door for his wife, be sure, he either has the new car or the wife.- George Bernard Shaw

24- The best way to remember a woman's birthday is to forget it once. - HV Prochnow

25- Behind every great man is a great woman. The woman either builds or destroys the man.-Anonymous

26- If you want to leave your partner because there is something about him that you do not like, then you will leave every person you connect with, because all people have something that we do not like. - Anonymous

27- Among all home remedies, a good wife is the best. - Anonymous

28- Compliment her! Tell her how beautiful she is and she will be beautiful! Tell her how great she is and she will be great! – Marilyn Monroe

29- I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep a woman happy. First, let her know that hers will come out. Second, let her have her way.– Lyndon B. Johnson

30- The only cure for a lost love is a new love. - Anonymous

31- There are two periods in a man's life when he does not understand women, before marriage and after marriage. - Anonymous

32- I haven't spoken to my wife for years, I didn't want to interrupt. – Rodney Dangerfield

33- I am a real housewife. Whenever I leave a man, I keep his house.– Zsa Zsa Gabor

34- The secret of a successful marriage is not to stay at home too much. – Colin Chapman

35- We sleep in separate rooms, eat separate dinners, go on separate vacations. We are doing everything we can to keep this marriage together.– Rodney Danderfield

36- When you see who some girls marry, then you realize how much they hate working for a living. – Helen Rowland

37- A happy marriage has within it all the pleasures of friendship, all the joy of feeling and reason, and all the sweetness of life.- Joseph Addison

38- A happy man marries the girl he loves; an even happier man loves the girl he marries.– Anonymous

39- I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to keep my marriage vows. I am always by his side. I listen. I try to laugh.– Anna Quindlen

40- Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It's a long, intimate dance together, and nothing else matters more than your sense of balance and choice of partner.– Amy Bloom

41- There is always a woman who saves you from another and while she saves you, she gets ready to destroy you. – Charles Bukowski

42- The happiness of a married man depends on what he is not married to.-Oscar Wilde

43- Attraction wears off after a while and beauty fades, but to marry a man who makes you laugh every day is a great gift.- Joanne Woodward

44- Because I was born and married. All the danger of mankind comes from the bed.– CH Webb, Dum Vivimus Vigilemus

45- You don't have to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. Just surf each other's waves.– Tony Sciarra Poynter

46- I like being married. It's so wonderful to find the person you love to annoy you for the rest of your life.– Rita Rudner

47- Sadness takes care of itself, but to get full joy, you must have someone to share it with.- Mark Twain

48- We are told that people stay in love because of chemical processes, or because they stay intrigued with each other, or because of kindness. But partly because of forgiveness and gratitude. – Ellen Goodman

49- Some people ask about the secret of our marriage. We find time to eat at the restaurant twice a week. A small candlelit dinner, light music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I on Fridays.– Henry Youngman

50- People do not marry out of reason or care, but because they are taught to do so. - Samuel Johnson

51- We don't want qualities, we want people; sometimes because of defects as well as qualities.– Jacques Maritain

52- Marriage is one of the few institutions that allows a man to do what a woman likes. – Milton Berle

53- I believe that men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced the pain and bought jewelry.– Rita Rudner

54- My wife and I were married for twenty years. Then we met.– Rodney Dangerfield

55- Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasure. – Samuel Johnson

56- Any woman who understands the problems of running a home will be more likely to understand the problems of running a country.- Margaret Theçër

57- Love is something ideal, marriage is something real. - Goethe

58- A successful marriage means falling in love many times, and always with the same person.– Mignon McLaughlin

59- Don't marry a man to reform him. That's what reeducation schools are for.– Mae West

60- A happy home is one where each partner allows the other to be right, even though neither believes it. - Don Fraser

61- Women are made to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde

62- The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but usually only because of inaccessibility.-Anonymous

63- Marriage is an institution held together by three books - the good book, the cook book and the check book. - Anonymous

64- As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her daughter, she is very content.- Oscar Wilde

65- A woman is like a book, good or bad, you have to like it from the cover. -Jacomo Casanova

66- Women are more tolerant and patient than men, much less violent. They do not commit murder, suicide, but men make wars, crusades, deadly weapons, atomic bombs. The woman is completely out of this game of death.-Osho

67- We would have a more beautiful world if women, half of the world, were allowed to develop their talents. It is not the best job, wife or husband. There are differences, but they do not mean that one is higher than the other, the differences are the attraction between them. - Osho

68- There are two types of people who know nothing about women: married men and unmarried men. - Sagan

69- Why do beautiful women marry boring men? Because intelligent men don't marry beautiful women. - Mom

70- The woman brings her husband only two days of happiness: the day she gets married and the day she accompanies him to the grave. - Aristophanes

71- Some women treat men like the border police: some expel them, others allow them to cross the border. - Nesini

72- Women will never be as successful as men because they don't have women to advise them. —Dick Van Dyke

73- All married men are the property of the woman, this is the only correct definition of what the real property of a married woman is. -T. Bernard

74- The man proposes, while the woman chooses.- Søren Kierkegaard

75- No woman, since the world exists, has been married in silence. - Confucius

76- He who is good at governing the woman is good at governing the state.- Balzac

77- When women love us, they forgive us for everything, even for our crimes; when they do not love us, they do not recognize our merit for anything, not even for our virtues. – Balzac

78- As for cheating on women, don't worry, because when they love, both men and women generally cheat on each other. -Jacomo Casanova

79- The misunderstood are included in two categories: women and writers.-Balzac

80- The divorce is probably of the same date as the marriage. I believe, however, that the marriage is several weeks older.- Voltaire

81- A woman worries about the future until she finds a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he finds a wife.-Anonymous

82- Often when she says "no", they live happily ever after.-Anonymous

83- Love is three quarters curiosity. -Jacomo Casanova

84- I wouldn't say that all women are the same, there are even worse ones. -Anonymous

85 - It is better to be well hung on the rope, than badly in marriage. William Shakespeare

86- My first wife died from poisonous mushrooms. My second wife also died from poisonous mushrooms. I drowned my third wife because she wouldn't eat the poisonous mushrooms. -Henry VIII

87- The woman says: "Go to hell!". You go, while she waits for you there. - Dante Alighieri

88- Open your eyes well when you get married, then close them. -William Shakespeare

89- A man is happy with any woman, but only until he falls in love. - Francesco Petrarca

90- I didn't notice my wife was choking me, she was screaming as usual. -Anonymous

91- It's not interesting what women tell them, but what they don't tell them. -William Shakespeare

92- Marriage is the grave of love. -Jacomo Casanova

93- The first thing necessary to win a woman's heart is opportunity- Balzac

94- If you want to say something, ask a man, if you want to do something, ask a woman. - Margaret Theçër

95- Women have a strange instinct: They dream everything but what is necessary - Oscar Wilde

96- There are only three things you can do to a woman. You can love it, you can suffer for it, or you can turn it into literature. – Henry Miller

97- Being a woman is a very difficult task, since you have to deal with men. -Joseph Conrad

98- I want to do it because I want to do it. Women should try to do things as men have tried. And when they fail, that failure should simply be a challenge to others. - Amelia Earhart

99- Men always want to be a woman's first love - women want to be a man's last romance. – Oscar Wilde

100- We should never trust a woman who tells us her real age. What shows age is ready to show everything. – Oscar Wilde


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